A place for me...

One year later...

2008-09-24T12:53:00.001-05:00

The Other Side
~David Gray

Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
See you on the other side

Honey now if Im honest
I still dont know what love is
Another mirage folds into the haze of time recalled
And now the floodgates cannot hold
All my sorrow all my rage
A tear that falls on every page

Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
Maybe I oughta mention
Was never my intention
To harm you or your kin
Are you so scared to look within
The ghosts are crawling on our skin
We may race and we may run
Well not undo what has been done
Or change the moment when its gone

Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
I know it would be outrageous
To come on all courageous
And offer you my hand
To pull you up on to dry land
When all I got is sinking sand
The trick ain't worth the time it buys
I'm sick of hearing my own lies
And loves a raven when it flies

Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
Honey now if Im honest
I still dont know what love is

The looooong and short of the past year...

2007-09-24T17:00:00.000-05:00

Over You

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you. X2

Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

-Daughtry

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated...

2007-09-12T20:18:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to say I'm not dead...just haven't felt much like blogging lately. Still reading all your stuff...I'm around but quiet.
Can't believe the summer's over...
I'm coming up to the difficult 1 year anniversaries (not like they haven't all sucked) and I don't know what more to say about that so...I probably won't. But it is still on my mind...although I keep chastising myself that that shouldn't be so after all this time.
Bleah...

Anyway, to sum up:
Not dead.
Not gone.
Just not sayin' much.

*hugs*

My weekend and Half-Nekkid Thursday #24 (Corrected Edition)

2007-07-25T19:44:00.000-05:00

First, I will speak yet again of my poker prowess...yes, I AM a superstar!

I finally won outright at the Saturday poker game!!!!! Seventeen people down and and no splits or anything...just $200 for me...woohoo! I'm getting better at this...and that makes me very happy!

Then we played in the Sunday game with the accusers and I came in third and third (we play two games)...this gives me another 3,000 chips for the big cash tournament, which is on Aug. 26th. My total is now 29, 500 by their count...I had the total at 5,000 chips lower so I am not going to argue (also, I might have missed a first place somewhere...maybe!)!

After Saturday poker, we played glow-in-the-dark miniputt. It was fun! S ended up 1 under par and I was *ahem* *mumble, mumble* over...oh fine 11, I was 11 over! I do indeed suck but we had fun anyway.

Finally, I need to correct my count for HNT...I am NOW at # 24. As of today. I went trekking through the old archives, looking at pics I've done and I realised that I skipped one when numbering my HNT submissions! So, without further delay...here it is...the much anticipated (and frankly already supposedly posted)...HNT #24:

*Polt...you MIGHT wanna go look at XTube for something more...appropriate...* ;o)

I warned ya...

Figured since I discovered my error, I should rectify it asap...this pic was taken quite a while back and I think I never used it not because I didn't like it but because I was shy. But since I do not have an effects tool at my disposal currently, you get unadulterated breastage!

Enjoy! ;o)

HHNT!

Click above to tell Os where he can come to see my boobie! hehe

Half-Nekkid Thursday #24 (The Birthday Suit Edition)

2007-07-18T21:05:00.000-05:00

Well, this is as naked as I've been on here...no clothes, no effects, just ass...and lots of it! That's right kids, I'm not skinny and I'm not trying to hide it anymore! :oD

So, if you were popping by expecting Paris Hilton (snort!), you will be SORELY disappointed although if that IS what you were looking for, why in the name of all that is holy?!

That is a whole other discussion...moving on...

So, here's my bottom...again! (And my boy kitty, trying to escape photographic capture, in the background.)

Like it or kiss it...or both! Yer choice... ;o)

Happy HNT lovely people!

(Click the thingy above to go tell Os you've seen my ass...)

My weekend...and happy birthday to me!

2007-07-17T12:54:00.000-05:00

I took an extended weekend, starting with Friday off so that I could spend a day with my oldest nephew. He chose to go to the Science Centre again (same as the last time we did a "Mitchie-Day" two years ago). We had a good time and he behaved very well...the only glitch in the day came when my sister called to say that his dad, her husband, had fallen out of a tree and was being taken by ambulance to the hospital! It was a few hours before we knew that he was okay except for a broken bone in his heel, which means he will be in a cast and on crutches pretty much until October (poor guy!).

Saturday was...you guessed it! Poker, where S and I shared first and second in a side game, earning us $100 (after the $80 it cost us to play both games).
Sunday was my birfday barbeque. I figured that it would be off considering it was being held at my sister's place but bro-in-law decided he was up to it so we went on with the show! My brother did the bbq'ing and there was much fun and food and kids running around and mayhem! It was nice to actually have a celebration for my birthday as that was not something the ex and I really did much of...hell, we only ever really bought each other Christmas presents twice in our whole time together...pathetic, right?

Speaking of prezzies, guess what I got for my birfday? :oD

Yes, that's right, I have finally joined this millenium and am the proud owner of an iPod Nano! Fun little gadgets they are...how come no one told me about them before?! ;o)

I went ahead and converted all my MP3's so they could be played on the iPod and then I proceeded to get down with my bad self while doing the dishes and getting ready for bed last night! Fun!
Less fun was Saturday night, after a winning day of poker and a fabulous crab leg buffet at the Mandarin, coming home to a flood in my apartment. :oO

Seems the stupid lady next door has the shut off valve for the water in her apartment and it further seems that she cannot follow simple instructions, such as, say, "DON'T turn the water back on!". So, S ended up shop-vaccing my closet yesterday (and setting up my mouse and keyboard!) while I took boy kitty to the vet for his 6 week check up. I am happy to report that the closet floor finally seems to be drying out, slowly but surely, and that kitty is up to 10 lbs., the vet says he seems to be doing well and she does not need to see him for another 3 months...woohoo!

So, today is my actual b-day...and S is coming back down to take me out for a nice dinner before turning around and heading right back home! He is very sweet to me... :ox

Hope you are all doing well and I should be around for HNT this week...might even have a pic of me in my birthday suit, ya never know! ;o)

*hugs*

Better... ;o)

2007-07-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

hell (4x)
bitch (2x)
kill (1x)

Heh, heh!
But no credit for those OTHER words?! Weird rating system...

Ah HELL no!

2007-07-12T08:47:00.000-05:00

That's 'cause I always put the asterisks in my swear words...I'm SO gonna hafta try A LOT harder. Watch out kiddies...I'm on a mission:

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits

P.S. Ain't much in THIS life that's rated PG-13... ;o)

2007-07-09T20:10:00.000-05:00

Alrighty then, for some reason I can't seem to add a title to this post...weird and yet not unwelcome, since I was having trouble coming up with a clever one anyway! So, here's how I spent (my summer) an extended weekend, after a two-day workweek!
First, I journeyed to the far-away land of Kingston, ON for a sales launch (read "excuse for sales reps to get drunk and party like monkeys!)...known for it's university (Queen's, where we bunked in the dorm rooms, which was kinda neat!) and for the 1000 Islands. I was up at 6 a.m. and out the door by 7:10 since it's almost a three hour drive and check-in was at 10 a.m. Blah, blah, marketing programs, blah...until we boarded the boat for a dinner and cocktails sunset cruise (after a gruelling 45 minute HIKE, which was supposed to be 15-20 minutes and for which I was WAY overdressed; I won't bore you with details but suffice to say that I was hot, sweaty and unimpressed when we arrived!)!

Whereupon there were bevvies! About which, I was terribly happy...oh, and did I mention they were free too? :oD

MANY drinks were consumed by many sales reps and many passes were made at many other drunk sales reps...I am old and went back to the dorms after the cruise ended at 10:30ish (in a CAB, thank you very much!) so I cannot report on the success or failure of these amorous advances but I'm guessing that lots of people are hoping that "what happens in Kingston, STAYS in Kingston" applies!

After a looooooooooooooooooong drive back and a nap at S's place to make sure I didn't fall asleep at the wheel (due to the way-too-little sleep I got while listening to inebriated morons running up and down the halls, yelling and banging on doors from about 1 a.m. until about 4 a.m.!), we got back to my place only to find that the kitties were VERY unhappy about being alone overnight. Like peeing-all-over-my-freakin'-bed unhappy. So, there we were at 11 p.m., washing and drying all the bedding before we could hit the sack. And this after a minor "incident" with the car which involved a stuck gearshift, a call to Roadside Assistance (not much in the way of actual assistance, but I digress) and some frantic shuffling through the owner's manual and then a cancellation of the tow truck that had been dispatched to "assist"! A long day, indeed!

Saturday was my grandmother's 90th birthday celebration (happy b-day Gram!!)...good times, noodle salad! Family and food...not too shabby. Afterwards, we hung out at my parents' place for a bit then headed back to my sister's house for barbeque and more hanging with friends and kidlets until late.

Sunday, we finally saw Live Free or Die Hard. And I actually enjoyed it quite a bit...the kid from the Mac commercials did a really good job and any flick that has a cameo by ol' Dumptruck himself (aka Kevin Smith) is alright by me! The action was overwrought in places but overall, it was not bad and that's fairly high praise for this kind of flick, and coming from me!

And we were unable to catch any of the Canada Day celebrations as S's camera was missing, presumed lost or stolen until late on Monday of the long weekend...when it showed up, hidden under my seat in the car! So, my derriere will have to wait for another occasion to make a grand (and I DO mean GRAND!) reappearance! ;o)

Well, that's it for now (phew!)...off to do dishes...bleah!

*hugs*

Cyanide & Happiness for the long weekend...

2007-06-29T11:37:00.000-05:00

*snicker* Gotta love a goofy play on words and stick figures!

And on that note...have an excellent long weekend, if you get one; happy Canada Day/Independence Day!

*space-invading hugs for ALL* ;o)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #23 (The Infamous "Wardrobe Malfunction" Edition)

2007-06-27T22:13:00.000-05:00

Here's the view that the sales reps and all the people I work with could have been privvy to, had it not been a fairly quiet afternoon last Thursday! Okay, not exactly...I was wearing undies then (and I was very careful NOT to bend over), but certainly close enough for discomfort, I'd say!

"It doesn't seem THAT bad," you might say...but then, it wasn't YOUR plump bottom hanging out in front of your colleagues, now WAS it?! ;o)

Anyway, I had to email my boss to tell her why I was exitting stage left before my usual time...she called, barely containing her giggles, a mere moment later to confirm. And then I decided to share the joy by advising several other co-workers what had happened...if stupid sh*t like this is going to keep happening to me, I'm at least going to get the giggle-credits for it!

Happy HNT all!

(As always, clicking the pretty lady will take you to the land of Os to see the wizard himself...go ahead, you know you wanna!)

Quote for today: "Never let 'em see you ache. That's what Mr. Mayer used to say. Or was it "ass"? Never let 'em see your ass." -Doris Mann, Postcards from the Edge

(LOVE that movie!)

Don't you love it when...

2007-06-26T13:15:00.000-05:00

...You have a pretty decent weekend and then you come back to work, check your bank account (yes, I AM busy but this is important, dammit!) and find that your tax return has FINALLY been processed?!

I SO do!

P.S. Yes, there WILL be HNT photographic evidence of my Janet-Jackson-impersonation attempt from last week but no, Polt, there will NOT be a re-enactment of the toilet stall door incident! :oP

Luckily for me, as far as I know anyway, none of my ridiculous unluckiness has ever actually been caught on tape...so far!

See you on the half-nekkid side... ;o)

Why I went home early today...

2007-06-21T19:26:00.000-05:00

Or the story of my real-life HNT experience...

So, I ended up heading home from work at about 3:30 this afternoon. And what prompted my early departure, you might inquire? Let us just call it a wardrobe malfunction, and we'll leave it at that...for now anyway. Perhaps I can enlist S's photographic assistance this weekend to illustrate just exactly what necessitated my exit from my place of work...poste haste, I might add!

You can probably still hear my boss and a couple of my co-workers giggling, can'tcha? I know I can...

Did I ever mention the time last year when I had to file a Workman's Comp claim because a bathroom stall door fell on me at work? I kid you not...this is my life...
*Go ahead...commence giggling*

Ya gotta love...umm, Bush...

2007-06-21T10:54:00.000-05:00

(click it to big it!)

*giggle* *guffaw* *snort*
Have a happy Half-nekkid Thursday everyone! ;o)

Don'tcha hate it when...

2007-06-11T14:44:00.000-05:00

People take their own insecurities and crap out on you?! Yeah, me too!

So, I had another great poker weekend...came in fourth and got my money back at the Saturday tourney. Then yesterday, played two games and came in second and first to give me 7500 more chips for the big $$$ tourney in August (that's a total of 21,500 so far, in case anyone other than me is counting!). That's the GOOD part.

The bad part is that I got accused of cheating.

Now, just a little background:
This particular game is one in which dealers are provided so the accusation of cheating had nothing to do with card-marking or stacking the deck or anything like that. Besides, anyone who's ever seen me shuffle could explain the absurdity of the idea of me working any sort of magic sneakiness on the cards.
No, this accusation had to do with the fact that S and I play at the same table. The allegation was that this somehow gave either he or I some kind of advantage (though I have yet to be able to determine practically what this advantage might be). They had "observed" that he and I avoid being in pots together...and on the basis of this "evidence", decided that we are cheaters. And further decided to call us out on it, stopping the entire game for over 5 minutes of needless drama.
Since I am not going to get into this with the morons with whom we play poker, I've decided to defend myself here for the record!

The other game we play does not have any sort of issue with this; in fact, all the couples that play there play at the same tables. There has never (as long as I've been going anyway) been any discussion of cheating based on this fact...I chalk it up to the fact that they are better poker players and don't feel the need to point fingers and piss & moan if they lose.
The "gentleman" who started the entire "discussion" had been poking at me subtly all day (implying that I was fishing for cards etc. - a big insult for a real poker player!). The "discussion" ensued AFTER he had completely misread what I had, went all in with an inferior hand and ended up being taken out of the tournament by me. 'Nuff said?
The rest of the group THEN started piping in with how they had observed the same thing and it wasn't right that we sit together and on and on...wah, wah, wah! Too bad nobody had the cahones to say anything until Bozo decided to make a federal case because his little ego was bruised!
The reality is that I play my cards. By observing the way S plays (and the same with other players) , I have a good idea when he has a big hand...if he does and I DON'T, I get the hell out of his way! I do the same with other players...end of story.

/rant

Whew...I feel better, dunno 'bout you! ;o)

So, how was everyone else's weekend?

The theme song for today...done beautifully by the ladies of PQotD....

2007-06-04T10:59:00.000-05:00

I will Survive-Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side

But then I spent so many nights thinkin’ how you did me wrong

And I grew strong and I learned how to get along

And so you’re back from outer space

I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key

If I’d have known for just one second you’d back to bother me

* Go on now, go walk out the door

Just turn around now ‘cause you’re not welcome anymore

Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

Did you think I’d crumble, did you think I’d lay down and die

** Oh, no, not I - I will survive

Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive

I’ve got all my life to live and I’ve got all my love to give

And I’ll survive, I will survive, hey, hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart

Kept tryin’ hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart

And I spent, oh, so many nights just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high

And you see me, somebody new

I’m not that chained up little person still in love with you

And so you feel like droppin’ in and just expect me to be free

But now I’m savin’ all my lovin’ for someone who’s lovin’ me

[Repeat * , **]

Quote of the Day: "Change your thoughts and you change your world" - Norman Vincent Peale

(Believe me, I'm workin' on it Norm...)

P.S. Got a third and a second place in poker on Sunday...good for 4000 more chips for that big tourney in August. Yay me! ;o)

"Bitter Betty" rears her ugly head...again...

2007-05-16T10:31:00.000-05:00

It's the whore's birthday today. She's 21.

Why can't I just let this go, you might ask? Unfortunately, I will NEVER be able to forget this day because it's also my parents' wedding anniversary...so there ya go; I'm doomed to remember this day always. *cue melodramatic music*

So much for all of you (including me) who complimented me before about how "well" I'm dealing with stuff.

Hmph.

Happy 37th anniversary, Mom and Dad...

So much for that roll I was on!

2007-05-15T11:44:00.000-05:00

I started what I hope will become a new roll on Saturday...with another poker win! S and I made it to the money together for the first time (though we've made it to the final table together several times) and we split the $560 prize pool with one other guy (S and the other guy got $200 and I got $160; I had just over half as many chips as they did so this was fair enough)!

Then we checked out "Lucky You", a romantic poker movie. It wasn't bad...and after mouldering away for almost two years in the vaults, it certainly COULD have been worse! We tried to see this one last weekend but there was a fire in the movie theatre which happened about half an hour into it...I was really starting to think this might be the unluckiest movie on the planet! Opening against that Spider movie AND a fire in the theatre?! Almost seemed like we weren't meant to see it at all...Didn't get a chance to post last week because not only was my boss back from vacation but I was training someone at work, which seriously cut into my slacking/blogging, time. And after this week, I'm on vacation for a week so I can't promise how often I will get around then either. But I do LOVE you guys... ;o)

Here's some of the stuff in store for me next week:

Did I mention that I'm geekily looking forward to this? Especially Styx...say what you will but I love 'em and haven't seen a show in a couple of years so I am SO excited to see TWO! Styx, baby, Styx! :oD

Talk to you soon... *hugs*

Not HNT...

2007-05-02T20:26:00.000-05:00

But how about the other HNT site? Check it out...there's some good stuff over there, no? ;o)

Had to pick up cat food Tuesday evening...I buy it from the vet because our brand isn't available anywhere else. The closest place for me to get it is an office attached to one of those big box pet chains...where the ex's twinkie works. See where this is going?

Yeah, so out they stroll, just as I'm getting ready to leave...they don't see me, which is good as I don't want anything to do with either of them anymore. There was cuddling and laughing as they walked over to get subs for dinner and I did feel a little ripple of something.

But that was all and then it was gone...and that's a far cry from where I was a few weeks ago. I've come a long way, baby!

...and I never even thought of keying his car or anything...not seriously, anyway... ;o)

HHNT everyone!

My weekend and the state of my mental health...

2007-05-01T12:16:00.000-05:00

The weekend was marvelous!

Poker went well enough Saturday afternoon...by which I mean I played well but did not get very far (about 13th out of 30 or so); didn't even make the final table! :oP For me, playing well is more important than how far I get although I would have liked a repeat of one of the previous two weeks when I, 1) split first and second and won $140 and 2) finished 5th and got my $20 back. There's always this Saturday... :oD

Then Saturday night, we finally ventured out to see the boyfriend's (hereafter referred to as S) favourite local band...we've only been trying to see them since the first night we got back together, so this isn't bad (only 5 months later)! It was a lot of fun; there's nothing like live music to keep you up past your bedtime! Yes, that's JUST how old I am...S and I have not been out past midnight since we've been together either, unless we've been staying at a hotel and that doesn't really count! Just reserve our spots at Shady Pines now... ;o)

Spent all day Sunday lounging around...watched Confidence, which was pretty decent and ate pizza in my jammies. Although I heard it was a beautiful day weather-wise, I don't regret slacking for a second since I don't get enough time to do nothing these days and it was very relaxing.

Yesterday, I got the stamp of sanity from my therapist...okay, that's not true. I just graduated from getting free counselling to having to pay for them to tell me how crazy I am. When we were getting ready to wrap up the last of my five sessions regarding my issues with the split, Dr. Feelgood asks if I am still interested in continuing my work, as we had discussed the last time I was in (read: "I would strongly recommend that you DO!")...subtle, ain't he? lol He was careful to add that he felt that we had made good progress and he wished me luck in my continuing journey, as he handed me the number for the other place. I liked him...although he was kinda young and a little geeky, I do feel like he helped me figure out some important stuff. But I also feel like I need to delve a little deeper and that will take some therapy that lasts longer than a couple of sessions. So, I will make the call to get my brain back into therapy soon...in the meantime, I have this to read on his recommendation...should keep me busy, in between all the poker etc.!

But enough about me...how are YOU all doin'?

This was supposed to be included in last Thursday's post...

2007-04-30T13:14:00.000-05:00

Because it had the right feeling for the mood of the day, and some of the lyrics are pertinent too. And I'm posting it today because I'm lazy... :o)

**Edit...for those who are unfamiliar with the song (you'll hafta click, I dunno how to put the video here): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPz3YaIJkjQ

Breathe (2 AM)
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to critisize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys.
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe.
woah breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe
oh breathe, just breathe.

-Anna Nalick

Cleaning bastards stole my lunch!

2007-04-27T12:49:00.000-05:00

One of the many joys of working in an office...periodically, the cleaning people are tasked to scour whatever community kitchen facilities exist, including the fridge. This generally means chucking whatever miscellaneous garbage has been sitting around growing mold since the last head-to-toe cleaning was done. However, it unfortunately ALSO means indiscriminate tossing of any tupperware that unsuspecting souls may have left overnight, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, because they did not realise it was time for the freakin' annual cleaning!

That's right...I left my salad in the fridge yesterday, planning on having it for lunch today because I forgot to bring dressing for it yesterday. So, I arrive bright and early this morning, dressing in hand, only to discover that now, I have dressing but NO SALAD!

And I lost my cool, huge, expensive container too which pisses me off. A pox on their houses, I say! Hmph. :oP

Moving on...

Actually, that's really all for now. I'm off to play some poker tomorrow and relax with my kitties and my lovely "friend"...have a great weekend and I'll check in with you all on Monday! ;o)

This is dedicated to the one I love(d)...

2007-04-26T18:33:00.000-05:00

It's funny how many times in the past year or two I've said, "So much has happened since this time last year!" or some variation on that theme.

But really, kind of a lot has happened since this time last year.

And I was all ready to have some kind of breakdown today...but it hasn't happened. Now, granted, I am not yet in bed trying to sleep, which is usually when my attacks of the vapours (or whatever you want to call them) show up. But so far, so good...sanity, or my version of it, is still intact thus far.

For a while, I pictured this post as much more rant-y and rave-y...me railing against the man who "done me wrong" on this, the day that started it all fifteen years ago. But truthfully, I think I've wasted enough time on that kind of thing lately and I find that in the end, I'm really no better off for it. I mean sure, who can't use a good bitch session now and again, even if you have not been recently dumped for a twinkie fifteen years your junior? Thing is, it took two of us fucked-up people to fuck up our relationship and no matter how it ended, neither the affair nor the shit he did in the last 8 months of our "marriage" had anything to do with the people with whom we did those things.

The person I loved, the person I married is gone. And making me leave was really the best thing he could have done for me (although, no matter what he tries to tell our friends, I do NOT believe this is WHY he did it and if he had any balls, he could have found a better way...but I digress) because otherwise, I would have likely spent the rest of my life trying to make up to him something that was not nearly entirely my fault. Something that he was never going to forgive me for anyway as it would mean coming to terms with his part in it and letting go of his precious emotional crutches. It would have amounted to a further waste of both of our time and I'm glad he finally let me in on that secret. I still believe (sucker that I am) that had we both been willing to try HARD at the same time, we might have been able to come out the other side with something worth the effort but that is a moot point now as the time for that has certainly passed us by.

This is the first of a bunch of anniversaries and important days in the upcoming months but I believe it's the only one I will commemorate here. Because I really am trying to move on with my life. And I think a big part of that is getting over dwelling on the past and regretting stuff that's done and over...and finally forgiving myself.

Happy no-longer anniversary, Jack...I hope you can finally find what you're looking for.

Moonspells@hormail.com... snicker

2007-04-25T19:24:00.001-05:00

Gotta love typo's...I just HAD to share that one!
Not much to say today...except I finally got around to updating my meagre list of links down the side there. Check 'em out...there's some seriously GOOD stuff in there!
I'll likely have more to say tomorrow..."ever-elusive kudos" to anyone who can figure out why...

A Meme, of sorts...

2007-04-24T19:45:00.000-05:00

The ever-so-fabulous Polt played this little 5 questions game and then offered to come up with questions for anyone else who wanted to play...I wanted...so here we go:

1) If you could give anyone in the world, any gift imaginable, what would you give, to whom, and why?

Well, this is gonna be sappy...I would give the gift of perfect health to my parents. My mom has fibromyalgia and my dad has too many health issues to list but just a couple are degenerating disks in his back and breathing issues. They are good people who did the very best they could raising three kids with very little money, most of the time. They deserve some time to enjoy it...and instead, they are both on disability and can't do too much of anything without pain in their "golden" years.

2) What place anywhere in the world, but outside of your own country, would you most want to visit and why?
I think I'd go to Africa because of the animals, of course, but also because if you're going to go to a far-away place, why not see somewhere completely unlike anyplace you've ever been before? And I think Africa certainly qualifies.

3) Which is cooler, American TV or Canadian TV?
American...ever seen an episode of Degrassi?! I love Kevin Smith but he's ALL wrong on this one! (An aside: "Spike" lived in my apartment building when I was a teen and this show was on...I could not have cared less since I was not watching it...or any other Canuck shows that might leap to mind!)
We Canadians can outdo you Amuricans on many fronts...but t.v. ain't one of 'em...yet! ;o)

4) How many times have you eaten poutine, worn a tuque, and said 'aboot'? :)
Mmmmmm...fries with gravy and cheese curds... :oD

Touques are generally not worn by chicks (except perhaps sporty-sorts, which I most certainly am not) after a certain age due to their hair-wrecking properties but I certainly donned one or two in my younger days...when I was heading oot and aboot in the snow...

And when we meet up next time you're in T.O., you can judge for yourself whether or not those who claim that I actually say "aboot" are hearing things! ;o)

5) The next time I'm in Toronto you ARE going to meet me, right, even if you have to go into the city on your own....right???? :)
See answer above...I can't wait! And if you can make it for the Pride parade and bring Freddie as well as Ag, so much the better!

Alternative, cause 5 is not a real question: If you could change any one thing about you instantaneously what would it be?
And then boom, he goes all Barbara Walters on my ass!! *sniffs* I WON'T cry!
Seriously, I would fix my hideously low self-esteem because I really believe it has been the cause of most of my problems. I would make "You're good enough, you're smart enough and gosh darn it, people like you!" my personal motto! I would internalise the fact that I deserve to be happy the same as everyone does...and that having done things that are "bad", does not make me a bad person; it just makes me human and less-than-perfect. I would allow myself to accept that I don't have to be better than everyone else just to be tolerated.
I am working on this stuff now...but instantaneous sure would be nice...

Phew...that was...erm...fun... ;o)

For the umpteenth time...

2007-04-20T10:55:00.000-05:00

I will now sit in front of this blank blog post screen and attempt to make an entry...finally.

So many thoughts and ideas but no way to make them coherent...or interesting, I'm afraid. All the other blogs I read are SO brilliantly written...it's seriously intimidating. Posts I love the idea of but hesitate to actually sit down and do myself (like this or this) fly around my overworked brain.

I just can't manage to find the time, I tell myself...which, while not entirely untrue, still feels like a bit of a cop out. I spend my time during the week watching Poker After Dark, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds, Bones, My Name Is Earl, Two and a Half Men, Kink, Survivor...and NOT watching 30 Days and October Road, although I have about six episodes of each on the back burner for some undetermined time in the future. And don't forget the chores that need doing; laundry, dishes, kitty maintenance...it's a very different world where if you don't do it, it don't get done! And there's on-line poker to be played...and won, if you are playing well and the Poker-Gods are smiling on you. And many wonderful, fascinating blogs to read and on Thursdays, many beautiful half-nekkid pics to peruse. There are also appointments for chiropractic and massage from the accident, not to mention the shrink I'm chatting with about the above-mentioned adled brain, which find me putting many miles on the new car.

On the weekends, there is the boyfriend...with whom there are LIVE poker tournaments to play, movies to watch and tumbles to be had. Oh, and another trip to the Falls this weekend. Beautiful weather, a Wonder of the World and thee...what more could a girl ask for? :oD

So...very busy, indeed.

Here's the part where I promise to do better and to get around to posting those ideas above etc. Not to mention updating the links on the side there...some have been dead for a long time and there are quite a few others that I read every day, and would love to share with everyone, that don't appear...yet.

Will do. I swear...

Until then, I hope you are all feeling fine and are expecting some of the same weather we are well and truly due for in the next few days!

*Hugs*

And see you again soon...seriously!

P.S. The pic at the top is courtesy of my dear friend...hopefully, he doesn't mind me using it! To see more of his stuff, go here...and you really should; he's amazingly talented!

My new ride and other updates...

2007-03-02T13:00:00.000-05:00

Here is where I have spent the majority of the last month...more specifically, I was researching cars, visiting dealerships, test-driving, dealing with insurance companies and on and on. I don't recommend the processes involved in a) being rear-ended by jerk-offs who don't have Ontario insurance (yup, you guessed it, I did indeed get hit with the $500 deductible...making the piddly amount they gave me for my old car $500 MORE piddly!) or b) buying a new car. Don't get me wrong, HAVING the new car is great but going through all the blah-blah-blah to get it and at a reasonble price is exhausting! Luckily my bro, the salesman, helped and I left feeling like I didn't get too badly screwed over...which is, I believe, the best I could have done! But after all that, isn't she CUTE?! :oD

With everything going on, I haven't felt much like posting...I've had some pretty down times lately. Major life changes have been happening and it's still sometimes hard to wrap my head around the fact that J is not the person I share those with anymore. I'm also working on coming to terms with the realities of our 15-year relationship versus my perceptions/dreams/expectations (read delusions!)...I've made an appointment to get some help with this as I don't think I can navigate it on my own.

Add to that a new-ish relationship...yes, you read that right! I have previously not mentioned it on here because of the possibility that the ex (or the g/f) might stop by but I have recently realised 1) they couldn't be bothered and 2) I really don't care anymore if they do. So, yes, I gots me a boyfriend (although that term sucks...makes me feel like I'm in the seventh grade again but since I don't like "lover" either, b/f it is, I guess!)! He is not new to me except in this specific capacity...and so far, so good. It's been tough on him dealing with all my ups and downs and he's been as suppostive as possible...he was also really great about helping me through all the accident/car-buying stuff.

So yeah...lots new around the Place of Moonspells! The good, the bad and the scary...this life sure is one big rollercoaster ride...to say the least!

Anyway, hope you are all doing well and I'll try to pop around more...I miss you guys (I have been lurking, just haven't been posting or commenting)...

*HUGS*

Half-Nekkid Thursday #22 (And The Hits Just Keep On Comin' Edition)

2007-01-31T22:46:00.000-05:00

It has been a shitty week...starting with getting rear-ended on Sunday (and I DON'T mean in a good way!). Probably at least $3000 in damage to my car which means it's likely a writeoff as they won't give me that much for a car for which I paid $2350 four years ago. Which further means I will have to figure out how to get a new car (or at least one that's new to me) that DOESN'T suck for whatever paltry amount they decide my car is worth...never mind that I put over $1500 into it in new parts in the last few months. Add to that a sore neck and back and the possibility of having to fork out a $500 deductible if the shithead that hit me doesn't have valid Ontario insurance (yeah, did I mention the truck he was driving had IOWA plates?!) and it adds up to just more of the same here in Happy-happy-land. Sorry kids, I really AM trying to look on the bright side but weeks like this make it less than easy. It even takes most of the fun out of the shiny, little red rental number they gave me...although it DOES have a CD player in it, which I love. Upon which I can play this little gem:

Wind It Up

Stop, drop and roll and I will tell you where I'm coming from
You've done a lot of yelling pointed at my eardrum
I'll offer all of me that you can lay your eyes on
I'll get right back to you once I get my disguise on
Hearts on fire, you'll learn
End up with heartburn
Wind me up, my dear
Had it up to here
Wind it up

I can't believe that you'd believe that I would fake it
Wait - unless you count the things I said when we were naked
Run, run away from everything we'd ever hoped for
I can't believe that this is what people elope for
Throw your sticks and stones
Throw your mobile phone
Wind me up, my dear
Had it up to here
Wind it up

If you are leaving then I wish you luck
I hope someone can make your heart warm
I was a baby when I learned to suck
But you have raised it to an art form
Yes I'm out of line
But you're out of your mind
Wind me up, my dear
Had it up to here
Wind me up, my dear
Had it up to here
Wind it up

-Barenaked Ladies

Now go look at tata's (spelling?) and be happy...I'm gonna indulge in some boobie-therapy myself, see if I can't kick these blues!
Happy HNT!

Click below to go see Os, the great and powerful, and to learn the secrets of the man behind Half-Nekkid...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #21 (Once Upon A Time Edition)

2007-01-24T19:19:00.000-05:00

This was taken in August, a couple of weeks before we booked the trip to Mexico that we were supposed to be leaving for on Sunday the 28th...it seems a long time ago and so very far away.
Don't mean to be melancholy, but did I mention I was supposed to be leaving for MEXICO?! And that it's finally freakin' winter here?! See what I'm sayin'?!
Anyway, happy HNT and have fun doing whatever you have to to ward off the winter blues! ;o)

As always, if you're new to the half-nekkidness, click the link below to visit Osbasso to get details on how you can join in the fun!

And here's a song...just 'cause I really like it:

Into The Ocean
I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore
Without a life that's sadly stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'
You're floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be be
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Where is the coastguard I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jets, I'm sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)
Not knowing how to think I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
So thought no end my need to fall
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all into the ocean...end it all
[Zayra]Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
-Blue
October

Half-Nekkid Thursday #20 (Snug As A Bug Edition)

2007-01-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

And now, back to our regularly scheduled half-nekkidness...
This is actually an old pic and for the life of me, I can't remember now why I chose not to use this one before but since I haven't had the opportunity to get any more taken recently, here you go! And look...it's actually HALF-nekkid! ;o)

HHNT all!

P.S. If you're new to this HNT business, click here to visit Os and find out the ins and outs, as it were! ;o)

A Sad Day...

2007-01-11T09:32:00.000-05:00

After visiting Osbasso to post the usual "I'm up" message for Half-Nekkid Thursday, I was saddened to read of the apparent passing of a regular member of the HNT community, Betchacantguesswho. We weren't close but I'm sure I popped by her site and I know she came by here a couple times to check things out...so out of respect, I have taken down this weeks pic and will resume next week or whenever the Os-man decides it's okay again. My condolences to those of you out in Bloggerland who were close to her and please visit here to get what details are available...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #19 (Cleaning Up My Act Edition)

2007-01-03T17:39:00.000-05:00

Or was it my @ss? ;o)
(Gratuitous movie quote: "Never let 'em see you ache...or was it ass? Never let 'em see your ass..." Great movie...brownie points if anyone knows it without looking it up!)
Seriously though, doesn't everybody look sexier when they're wet? It seems to me that they DO...this pic certainly makes me FEEL sexy and right now, that's a great thing!
So, I think that for the moment, I have found my candidate for 2007's Fav HNT of the Year post...that being said, let's hope there's all sorts of better ones (or at least as good!) to pick from in the coming months!

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday all!

To find out what HNT is all about, click the pretty lady below and visit Osbasso, the evil genius behind all of this half-nekkidness!

Should Auld Aquaintance Be Forgot?

2006-12-29T23:05:00.000-05:00

I wanted to go ahead and wish everyone a very happy 2007...and for a BUNCH of us (a surprising number, to me anyway), I wish for a much better year than this one. Actually, what the hell, I wish that for everyone...even for those who had a great 2006, who wouldn't love an even better 2007?
Anyway, I will be busy until after the big day now...I decided to go a completely different way with my plans this year. Typically, being the home-body/moonchild that I am, my evening would be low-key and with a few friends and family. So instead, I decided to go to Niagara Falls to celebrate with a million strangers at an outdoor concert featuring Foreigner...how's that for "opposite end of the spectrum"?! I'm really looking forward to it...hopefully, the weather gods will be kind...
I think I'm going to try a new approach for this coming year. I'm going to look at this whole thing as an opportunity to break out of my comfort zone; I'm going to rise to the challenge and expand my horizons. Worst case scenario, at least I get some much-needed distraction from "As My World Turns" in my head...best case, I learn something new about myself.
So, while I can't promise there will be no more bad days or pissing and moaning on here, I will certainly endeavour to balance them out with more interesting adventures...you can hold me to that!
For now, I leave you with wishes for a safe and happy New Year's...I'll see you back here in 2007, hopefully with some pics of the festivities in Niagara (if I can borrow a camera, that is)!
*Hugs and dirty stuff* ;o)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #18 (Special Assignment #2 Edition)

2006-12-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

For this week, the great and powerful Os asked us to post our favourite HNT pic from the last year. Since I haven't been doing this long, and I took a big break in there, I don't have THAT many to choose from. That being said, this was actually really easy...this pic was my favourite as soon as I saw it and I still think it's probably the best one so far. I checked back and apparently, you guys liked this one better...not a big surprise and since it's my second fav, I can't really disagree!
Enjoy and HHNT for the last time in 2006! ;o)

Check out what this HNT madness is about by clicking the link...

**Edit: A couple of people have complimented the tat...thanks! For a better shot of it, go here... ;o)

Best of the Season!

2006-12-22T12:44:00.000-05:00

I, like many/most people, will be very busy running around and visiting in the next few days and I won't get another chance to do this, so here goes...

(I'm not religious so I'm not offended when people *try* to include everyone in their wishes for a happy holiday season, so, in that spirit...)

Merry Christmas to all of those who celebrate it and to everyone, I wish you all the best of whatever this holiday means to you! Stay safe and enjoy your friends and loved ones!

***And for those who still believe, may Santa be especially kind to you this year; I KNOW you've all been VERY good! ;o)

*HUGE hugs*

Half-Nekkid Thursday #17 (Special Chistmas Assignment Edition)

2006-12-21T10:17:00.000-05:00

As per the boss-man Os, instead of the usual half-nekkid pics this week, we were instructed thusly:

"To avoid the hassle of having to take HNT pics with holiday plans, families getting together, and all the other things getting in the way, we will suspend HNT this week. INSTEAD, in the spirit of Christmas, we'll do this--pick three HNT/blogger participants, but only three. And then tell the world what you'd get them for Christmas, if you had the means to do so. To make this work, don't pick three people that you might normally send a card or a gift to anyway. Pick three people that you may have just met, or have been following for awhile, or found through other blogs.
This can be serious, humorous, from the heart, or from the mind. Hopefully this will prevent some sort of "gift guilt reciprocation". One last thing--when you post a comment like you would for HNT, just list your three people. That way someone who might not expect something from you will know to take a look."

I decided to follow Polt's lead and do sort of spiritual gifts as opposed to funny...or realistic.
So, without further ado, I would gift...

1) Jeannie Grrl...with perfect health. She is a lovely person who is constantly plagued by various health-related issues and so I would wish those away for her. That way, she could just enjoy all the wonderful things in her life without having to worry about whether she's in agonising pain or not. (I'm stealing this pic, with thanks again, from Poltie!)

2) Mermaid Girl...with peace and strength through what must be very trying times in her life. And oh yeah, maybe this would help to eliminate her problem as well! ;o)

See your gift here, since Blogger is a b*tch and won't let me post the pic!

3) Last, but never least, Polt...with his Freddie for the holidays. I know they spent some time doing the Christmas thing pre-holidays but I also know he's gonna miss his Freddie-bear to bits...and they are just SO cute together! Wish I could make it happen for real, Sweetie...and thanks so much for my gift! It's JUST what I need... *hugs*

See your gift here, same reason as above (I'll fix 'em later, Blogger willing!)!

HHNT!
And hugs, warm stuff and best wishes for the holiday season to all you wonderful bloggers out there! Thanks to everyone for all your support the last few months...it's meant a lot to me.
:ox

A Brand New World

2006-12-18T20:03:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I go to sign the papers with the lawyer that legally take my name off the deed to the condo. So, needless to say, I have spent half the day today crying my eyes out.
Even after everything that's happened, I can't really believe that this is my life now. It's not that it's that bad...it's just SO far from where I thought I'd be even as recently as three months ago. The last little while, everything has happened so fast...I've been so wrapped up in all the details that the actual processing has taken a bit of a back seat. Now, I look around and I just don't know how it all happened (which is obviously not literally true but the sequence of events certainly has felt head-swimmingly overwhelming, especially today.)...
I am missing my old life quite a bit right now...and my old dreams along with it. I gave him my keys back tonight; it's very hard knowing I will likely never see the place again. That condo was supposed to represent hubby's and my "new beginning"...my second chance to do it right. Giving the keys back is an admission that that is never going to be a reality now.
Last Christmas, I bought a whole bunch of decorations and lights, in anticipation of THIS Christmas; our first at our new home. We never really did the decorating thing before because we never felt the need to do so at a place that wasn't ours. Anyway, those decorations sit, as they have since I bought them and as they will probably remain for the conceivable future, in storage at my parents' house, unopened.
Well, what a happy little post from a happy little girl! Bleah...and now, for something completely different!

(It isn't, really, though...it's a pic of the plant we got as a housewarming gift from the condo corporation when the mortgage finally went through. Beautiful, wasn't it?)

Hope your day was better...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #16 (Long-Awaited (?!) Return/New Beginning Edition)

2006-12-14T09:07:00.000-05:00

Still posting from work although I FINALLY got my phone and internet last night, after two weeks!! Oh and by the way, did I mention that the one thing I thought Rogers did right, turned out not to be so much?! Did I further mention that they can absolutely ROT?! Anyway...
Here, as promised (late, and with thanks to my friend), is a first glimse of my new place...and the ghost of me, in it! This is the view heading from the kitchen/living room into my bedroom.

Happy belated HNT!

Click the link in the sidebar if you're wondering what this thing called Half-Nekkid is all about...

Update...

2006-12-12T10:25:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to do a quick post to say I STILL haven't got a phone or internet or cable yet...Rogers can kiss my @ss, is my response to that! They are SUPPOSED to be coming to rectify this today and if they don't finally get this set up (after two previous visits and almost two weeks!), I am officially going to go POSTAL on their butts, I swear!
Anyway, everything went as well as can be expected with the move and I am basically settled in, but for a couple of boxes of books. I'm hoping to be able post more details and maybe some pics etc. soon...once I join the 21st century, already in progress! ;o)
'Til then, hope everyone's holiday season is going well!
*Hugs*

Let's Play Tag...

2006-12-05T11:43:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by the lovely and talented Polt over at The Palace so here goes:

"6 Weird Things About Me"

The rules are simple.
1. Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Weird thing #1) Using my right hand, I am incapable of showing the number 3 in the usual way (ie. put your thumb against your pinky finger and extend the remaining fingers), although I can with my left hand. When I hold my pinky with my thumb, the other fingers WILL NOT straighten out! I've actually hurt myself (along with looking like a complete git!) trying to do this because I thought it was absolutely ridiculous that I couldn't!

Weird thing #2) I hate beets and peppers...except when they're pickled; then I love them.

Weird thing #3) I am a food separatist...I don't like it when things touch on my plate. It's mostly either saucy things and non-saucy things or things of different temperatures (like salad and hot food) but I try to keep most stuff from touching most other stuff. I don't enjoy the co-mingling!

Weird thing #4) If I am walking down the street with someone, I have to walk on their left side. I don't know why but I feel all out of sorts and strange if I try to walk on the "wrong" side of someone I am with.

(After reviewing #'s 3 & 4, I am left thinking, as you all are I'm sure, OCD much?! Oh well, we all have our quirks! LOL)

Weird thing #5) Although I love true crime books and my favourite author is Stephen King, I do not like horror movies...at ALL; I think the last one I saw would have been one of the Nightmare on Elm Street ones and they ended up being more camp than scary after the first two! Edit: I realise this is a lie; I saw The Blair Witch Project (see Weird thing #6 for more). I think it's because I am not a very visual reader...I don't really do the movies-in-my-head thing when I read. Horror flicks are way too intense for me...I have a very suggestible imagination and those kinds of images stay with me and make me paranoid for a very long time.

Weird thing #6) I developed an inner-ear disorder when I was about 26 which means that I now have trouble watching movies in the theatre (especially war or water movies). It first happened during Titanic; when the boat started to sink, I got VERY ill...cold sweats, dizziness, nausea, etc. I was diagnosed with an ear infection but once that went away, the issues with dizziness and stuff stuck around. The only cure is Gravol and I pretty much take it before I go to any flick these days, just to be sure. Movies I have had to walk out of because of this issue: The Blair Witch Project, Tomb Raider II, Saving Private Ryan (almost...I was ONLY able to stick it out because I knew that scene was 30 minutes long and that's it!), Pearl Harbour (apparently, I didn't miss much!). I'm pretty sure there are others; if I think of them, I'll update later.

That was a LOT harder than I thought it would be...but kinda fun too! SCM did a variation (see "Tagged! Six Things - Times Two") on this theme and I'm gonna ponder it long and hard; I'll post on it if I can think of anything (well, 6 anythings, to be more accurate) worth talking about! ;o)

Okay, I'll tag:

Jean
Heather Edit: Heather kindly pointed out that she had a psychic moment and did this one already a couple of days ago (and I READ that post too...senility is no fun! lol) so I'm also going to tag Mermaid Girl
Evalee
Roy
Darkneuro
Evvie

A Meme...(thought I'd go a different way today)

2006-11-28T13:19:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Dzer:

Describe...
1. Yourself: Separated
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): Free
3. Your hair: Fine
4. Your mother: Complicated
5. Your father: Sad
6. Your favorite item: Cats
7. Your dream last night: Torturous (dreamt Hubby was reversing his "snip" so he could pursue having kids with G/f and mocking me with the fact...what do ya think that means?! lol)
8. Your favorite drink: Mocha
9. Your dream car: Viper
10. The room you are in: Office
11. Your ex: Not (yet)
12. Your fear: Rejection
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Happy
14. Who you hung out with last night: Hubby
15. What You're Not: Defeated
16. Muffins: Cupcakes
17. One of your wish list items: Peace
18. Time: Flying
19. The last thing you did: Ate
20. What you are wearing: Undies (among other things!) ;o)
21. Your favorite weather: Balmy
22. Your favorite book: Stand (The)
23. The last thing you ate: Soup (chicken noodle)
24. Your life: Chaotic
25. Your mood: Depressed
26. Your best friend: Sis
27. What are you thinking about right now? Family
28. Your car: Fourteen
29. What are you doing at the moment? Working (not!)
30. Your summer: Pivotal
31. Your relationship status: New
32. What is on your TV (computer monitor)? Blog
33. What is the weather like? Unseasonable
34. When is the last time you laughed? Immemorial

Top o' the mornin' to ya!

2006-11-22T07:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here at work at 7:22 a.m. and there isn't another soul in the building... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. WHY am I at work so early, you might ask? And you would be right to ask...I'm not exactly the early-bird type, after all. My car is in the shop for a mystery "Check Engine" light so I had to catch a ride in with hubby...only he has to be at work for 7:30 and it takes him about an hour to get there! That means our heroine was up at 5:45...A.M.! Bleah!

So, I signed my lease on Saturday...I am the proud tenant of a little one bedroom basement apartment in a nice, new neighbourhood about twenty minutes from work (although it's probably more like ten minutes THIS early!). My dear friend took some pics of the place so once I get it painted, I'll try to post some before and after shots of it.
It's funny how you can be feeling so many things all at once. I'm sad, no doubt about that; this is, one way or another, the end of an era in my life. Nothing will ever be the same. But at the same time, I'm actually excited...this will be MY place and no one else's and that is a foreign concept to me. Even when I was a kid, I always shared my room with my sister so I've never had a space that was JUST MINE. And I need to do this...35 is relatively old for finally spreading your wings and finding out if you can fly on your own, but better late than never, right?
But I'm scared too. Scared that this IS it for H and I...that he will discover he doesn't want or need me in his life. Which sounds stupid, after everything we've been through; it should be clear that NEITHER of us needs the other or the baggage that we bring with us...a fresh start is what's needed for both of us. I am still hoping, in a small place in my heart though, that we can find our separate ways out the other side of this and somehow meet up and go on together. Until then, we have our separate paths to follow.
And I'm scared about what I will find out there for myself...can I make it on my own? Can I forge a life for myself, by myself? More importantly, can I make it a life that I am HAPPY to be living? Or will I be the pathetic cat lady, living in the basement...lonely and all alone, but for her feline companions?
Or what if I decide I LIKE being alone...that I don't want to be married anymore? Talk about your identity crisis...

Anyway, to all the ladies/gents who have walked this path before me, either recently or not, I salute you for the journey you undertook. And dammit, I'm proud of me for having the balls to do this...even given what I've said above. I AM doing the right thing (for both H and I) and I was the one who had the courage to say it and do it; to stop the hurting and fighting and ruining any chance we might have of ever being friends, much less anything else. I haven't done much right in the last 15 years...but this time, I know that I am. I hope this means I have grown and am already on my way to being more of the person I want to be. I think it does; a year and a half ago, I could not have made this choice...indeed, I did not and looking back, I probably should have. Hell, I SHOULD have done it 9 years before THAT instead of taking the "easy" way and annihilating the one person I loved more than anyone...

So, wish me luck...and stay tuned. Because it's going to be a brave new world here at Moonspells' Place and you're all invited to take a front row seat to see the show! ;o)

Happy belated blog-iversary to me...

2006-11-07T18:15:00.000-05:00

I noticed that with everything going on, I missed my one year anniversay of blogging...it was Oct. 8th, in case anyone's keeping track...no, me neither...
SO much has happened...I wouldn't know where to start. Instead, you're going to get the "Coles Notes" version (for all the other Canucks, 'cause I don't think the U.S. has Coles bookstores, although I'm sure an Amurican version exists...I just don't know what they're called!). I'll start with now and go back a bit because it's easier to remember...
I'm moving out. We aren't involving a lawyer (yet), so we'll call it a trial separation...but to give you some idea of the seriousness, I may very well have to sign a one year lease. Whatever you want to call it, we aren't fooling around...
Oh yeah, except he WAS. Not that this is a surprise to anyone (even me), but from the time we got back from his grandfather's funeral until Girlfriend got here on Sept. 14th, they thought they were in love. His plan, and I've SEEN the emails so I know firsthand, was not to leave me but to carry on behind my back...maybe throw me a threesome periodically so I wouldn't freak out, you know, that kind of thing. Sound a little familiar? Yeah, to me too...but HE doesn't want to hear anything about the similarities between what he was doing and what I did for 9 years. It's completely different...because mine was for 9 years! BUT, it's okay, you see, because when G/f DID get here they changed their minds...or decided that it wasn't LOVE, at any rate. So, that makes it all better, right? No, I don't really think so either...
The thing is, he doesn't care. He's decided that among the MANY other things he's dealing with, he has not forgiven me or dealt with his anger about the affair, like he said he had almost a year and a half ago. Right now, he is so f*cked up, so LOST, that our entire 15 years together means nothing (or at least not much) to him...honestly, I don't even recognise the man I have known in him at all. The situation has gone to places (and beyond, frankly) that I would have SWORN we were not capable of going before this all started.
So, I suggested that I move out on my own. It accomplishes a couple of things: 1) I get to find out if I'm staying only because I'm afraid to be alone (because I never have been...never lived alone and haven't been without a significant other since I was 17), 2) he finds out the same thing and, 3) it gives us both time to figure out if too much damage has been done on either side for us to consider getting back together. G/f is going to stay (since her relationship is f*cked up too and since she now needs a place to live until at least June 2007) and pay rent so that we don't have to sell the condo and legally separate (yet)...I'm taking the cats with me.
And don't get me wrong, I KNOW exactly how absolutely F*CKED this ALL is...I'm living it, remember. But I am making an appointment with a lawyer for a consultation BEFORE I move out so he can caution me on all the pitfalls of this new situation, most of which I've just outlined above...I know. I'm just not ready to admit defeat and make everything all tidy and legal...yet. I hope there is still enough left of "us" so we can both work through all of this sh*t and move on...together. If not, at least we will hopefully have been able to work through enough so that the proceedings will end up being less unpleasant than the last month and a half has been.
We were (are?) soulmates, you see. And I cannot give up on almost 15 years without at least trying everything to make it work...call me a fool, if you must. People called HIM that a year and a half ago when he stayed with me...somewhere, I still hope we can prove 'em all wrong.

Another one for today...

2006-10-18T16:47:00.000-05:00

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

-BLUE OCTOBER
Hate Me

With or Without You...

2006-10-18T07:54:00.000-05:00

"Until at least this Friday" has now turned into "probably not more than three weeks"...
But, on the bright side, he's willing to have dinner with me on Saturday to "to try to start to rebuild"...isn't that fabulous?!
Oh yeah, and it doesn't look like G/f will be leaving before Christmas so our first one in our new place will clearly not be how I had pictured it...

Since there isn't anything good to say, here are more lyrics:

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you

-U2

All I Can Do...

2006-10-16T09:18:00.000-05:00

There is WAY too much going on to really post right now (also because I can only log on from work)...suffice to say that I stayed in a hotel on Friday night and I will be staying with my sister until at least this Friday. Yeah, it's like that...

So, here are more lyrics 'cause they are like shorthand for what I'm feeling right now (which doesn't really appear to match with what I've said above but just go with it...my emotions are ALL over the place these days)...

When you're on your own
When you're at a fork in the road
You don't know which way to go
There's too many suns in our rows
You haven't laughed in a while
When you can't even fake a smile
When you feel ashamed
The uniform don't make you brave

Chorus:
All I can do is love you to pieces
Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it
When the day is long and the night is coming down on you
All I can do
All I can do
All I can do

When you forget your name
and the pleasure can't disguise your pain
and you don't feel the same
I won't forget the love you made

Chorus:
All I can do is love you to pieces
Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it
When the day is long and the night is coming down on you
All I can do
All I can do
All I can do

What a lovely day to shape your dreams
And you don't even have to sleep
You can make it what you want to be
You can fly away
You can change your name
You can have a happy face
It can be so real
ohhhhhh

Chorus:
All I can do is love you to pieces
Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it
When the day is long and the night is coming down on you
All I can do
All I can do
All I can do
Is all that I can do

-Chantal Kreviazuk

Torn

2006-10-10T09:27:00.000-05:00

I thought I saw a man brought to life
he was warm he came around like he was dignified
he showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
you don't seem to know - or seem to care what your heart is for
I don't know him anymore
there's nothing where he used to lie
my conversation has run dry
that's what's goin' on
nothing's fine
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
you're a little late
I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
but you crawled beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
there's just so many things
that I can't touch
I'm torn
there's nothing where he used to lie
my inspiration has run dry
that's what's goin' on
nothing's right I'm torn...

- Natalie Imbruglia

Don't Cry...

2006-09-30T15:58:00.000-05:00

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

-Guns 'N Roses

My day...

2006-09-28T17:59:00.000-05:00

So, you wanna know what sucks the most about this situation? Okay, actually, it is nowhere NEAR what sucks the most but anyway...
I had a shitty day at work today...got yelled at by the boss for several stupid things and coming on the heels of everything else that's been going on, I was not in good shape. But to make it shittier? G/f was having a crisis with her bird and needed Hubby's help...fine, I get it. Turns out birdie is fine...sooooooo, while I stay home cooking dinner, they trek off to run some errands and stuff.
And here I sit, alone, brooding about my day and typing away to...no one.

Fuck.

And so it goes...

2006-09-27T18:31:00.000-05:00

I'm actually feeling *a little* better today.
I went back to work yesterday after being off since last Wednesday with a back/hip issue...that was NOT a good day. Hubby and g/f were home alone all day and all I could think about was the situation...what it is...what it isn't anymore. It was depressing and horrible and there was a period of time where I was pretty sure I was going to have to talk to my doctor about stress-leave because I could NOT concentrate. Keep in mind, however, that I was also running on emotion and caffeine and not much more than that since I did NOT sleep a whole big bunch over the weekend (and really not properly or consistently for a couple of weeks before that).
Anyway, last night was also horrible...H and I had yet another confrontation/discussion. See, as anyone who has read this thing over the past while knows, we just bought this condo and $12K worth of shit to fill it up...effectively trapping us here as we can't sell it yet and we can't afford for a real trial separation, involving separate habitation. He moved into the second bedroom officially last night with g/f (platonically...as naive as it sounds, he tells me it's so and if we are to have ANY chance, I have to believe what he says), which SUCKS. It's the only way of creating any space at all, given the circumstances, and that's what we need right now.
So, it's been a little better today...H went back to work and he called to apologize about the fight last night and ask me to give him time. Which I will...I don't have any choice really. He assures me that after working out his own stuff, working out our marriage is still a priority for him, so I have some hope. And maybe that's why it's better...maybe I'm starting to come to terms with the situation and my place in it. He will either deal with what I did, forgive me and we will move on or he won't and we won't. But I have decided that I will get through this no matter which way it turns out...I will try to let go of my fear and deal with my own issues. And I will do what he's asked me and be patient and give him space to work on his.
Because I do owe him that much...
And I do still love him.

And in the blink of an eye...

2006-09-24T09:43:00.000-05:00

We're separated.

One Thing...

2006-09-24T00:40:00.000-05:00

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know

I don't want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

-Finger Eleven

Over and Over...

2006-09-22T11:57:00.000-05:00

I feel it everyday it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to

It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to

Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try

So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to

-Three Days Grace

How I Spent My Summer, The Untold Story...

2006-09-21T10:11:00.000-05:00

I was going to do this as a second installment in my Fairy Tale-themed-posts-about-my-life "series" but I don't have it in me right now. It has been a very long week (and several very complicated months before that) and I can't spare any energy on creativity, such as it would have been.
Girlfriend from the pics below has been living with us for a week today...she's moved here from the East coast to start her new life. She's staying with us until she can get a job and secure a place for her and Fiance to live, then he will move up and we will part ways...at least as roommates. And actually, that really isn't the problem...although at various times since June, I have thought it was.
You've seen the pics, right? She's 20 and she's lovely...she's also troubled, with a horrible past and many things in common with hubby. They connect in a way that we apparently don't, even though he and I are soulmates. Anyway, I have had some issues with self-esteem and feeling inadequate over the three or so months since Hubby and I first discussed "playing" with her. I have always been all for the idea of us with someone else...long ago, it was probably for the wrong reasons but I believe I have worked through a lot of that and when this came up, I thought that H and I were solid enough to try what I figured would be a relatively low-risk encounter. Turns out, by the time we were discussing this, we were already past the point of no return...
Now, I wander around our beautiful new home (the place we bought together to solidify our new start) and I feel like a guest...or an intruder. G/f has been going to work with H (because she is having trouble dealing with the move and being away from her family and many other things she's going through right now), so they leave for work together, they come home together, they go to bed together. And I'm right there, but they both seem so far away from me; I always feel completely alone. I have been trying to not make this all about me...because that's what I do. But H has said some things over this time that he now says were not true...him saying it does not make them FEEL any less true though; some things are really difficult to un-hear. He now says it's him, not me...some kind of early mid-life crisis maybe, or the fact that he hasn't properly dealt with his Grandfather's death.
So, I'm trying to just be here for him, trying to let go of my own fear of abandonment, of rejection, of being the "odd man out" but it's hard to get past the ache in my chest and the inability to breathe. It's sort of a Karmic joke really...I am led to understand just HOW much I love and need him by a situation in which I am absolutely powerless to do anything about it. I know I deserve this, and more, but it's just so hard.

After everything we went through last year, for the first time, I was able to say that I was really happy...I wish I had known it was going to have such a limited shelf-life so I could have appreciated it more.

I wish we could just go back to May, when I loved him and I KNEW he loved me and everything was right in our world...

**Edit: Please note that the opinions expressed above are those of the writer at the specific time they were typed. They may no longer be valid now...or now...or even now. They are based on emotions which have been in constant motion for quite a while and so are transitory, at best...**
Also, did I mention that there is something wrong with my back, causing me to additionally be in a bunch of PHYSICAL pain? Yeah, so anyway...please feel free to change stations to something less Fucking Bleah™ (with thanks to Dzer for the expression)!

Half-Nekkid Thursday #15 (How I Spent My Summer Vacation Part Deux Edition)

2006-08-31T06:45:00.000-05:00

This is later the same night last week's pic was taken...ain't she somethin'?! ;o)

So, anyway...how was everyone ELSE'S summer? :oD

HHNT!

**If you've never heard of this thing called "Half-Nekkid", click below to visit Os, the great and powerful**

Half-Nekkid Thursday #14 (How I Spent My Summer Vacation Edition)

2006-08-24T07:06:00.000-05:00

Just a quick one to let you know what I've been up to instead of blogging and posting HNT pics for the last week or so...I'm sure most of you would agree that I made the right choice! ;o)

Next week, I may post pics of the results of this rendez-vous...they are VERY colourful!

Hope everyone is well...HHNT!

**If you've never heard of this thing called "Half-Nekkid", click below to visit Os, the great and powerful**

**Edit** The beautiful ass and tats you are looking at do not belong to me...I WISH! I am actually the do-ee in this pic, not the do-er, but many thanks to those who kindly mistook it for mine...your cheques are in the mail! ;o)

Thank you Sir, may I have another?

2006-08-11T23:14:00.000-05:00

Alright, as promised, here is my post to off-set the slightly self-pitying one from yesterday...

Things I Am Grateful For (in no particular order):

1. I have the ability to DECIDE to do something about the way I look/feel about myself and put a plan into action because I am healthy enough to be able to do so.

2. All of the people I love most in the world are still around.

3. Most of those people are in reasonably good health.

4. I have a partner who was willing to overlook my MANY flaws and stick with me when he really shouldn't have given me another chance.

5. I am gainfully employed at a job I don't hate, earning a decent wage and working with some really nice people.

6. My partner is similarly employed.

7. We are able to do things we WANT, not just things we NEED to do.

8. We have nieces and nephews around so w can enjoy kids without having to HAVE kids and we are pretty close to them, both distance-wise and emotionally.

9. My kitties, who are my babies and who are 14 1/2, are in good health.

10. I have friends who care about me.

11. I am learning about myself everyday...finally.

12. I live in a part of the world where I don't have to worry constantly about something violent happening to me.

13. I'm sure there are many more but I'm tired and hubby just got home so that's it for now! I'm off to my new, comfy, king-size bed for which I am also grateful...particularly at 12:30 a.m.! ;o)

*hugs*

Half-Nekkid Thursday #13 (Talk To The Hand Edition)

2006-08-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

Or, as was the case here, let the HAND do the talking! ;o) Finally, it's the long-awaited, much-anticipated HNT! *and the crowd goes WILD!* *snicker*

I'm going to do a counter-post to the one below because although I've been feeling a bit down on myself, I don't want to let that get control of me and overwhelm the good stuff I've started to accomplish. Gillette (girls, check her out...she is amazing!) would likely say something insightful about my inner voices and sabotage and actually, her blog is where I got the idea to do a yang post to the earlier yin. So anyway...watch for that! LOL

HHNT everyone and have a great weekend, half-nekkid or not! ;o)

P.S. Yes, those ARE ladybugs on my undies...what? Only Big Ed can have fanciful taste in gitch? :oD

**If you've never heard of this thing called "Half-Nekkid", click below to visit Os, the great and powerful**

HNT...psych!

2006-08-10T10:03:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to let you know that I have been caught completely unprepared for HNT this week...too much going on elsewhere in life and not enough inspiration to get my stuff together in a timely manner! Also, I'm having some ego issues the last few weeks which make me kinda hate all photographic representations of myself. Although I'm working on this, doing it the RIGHT way takes time...this doesn't sit well with my impatient side but in order for it to stick, it has to be this way (trust me, I know this from YEARS of first-hand experience!). Hope you'll bear with me while I muddle through this blah-blah-blah... :o(
Anyway, I will post a pic but it won't be until after 5 p.m. or so my time (EST) once I'm home from work...

HDelayedHNT!

Days of Our Lives...

2006-08-05T20:36:00.000-05:00

WHEW!!!!! What a week it's been; we

bought a condo (officially, although we've had possession of the place for over 5 months now!)
signed many documents at the bank and many MORE at the lawyer's office to legalise said purchase (though it really isn't very hard to sign your life away...couple o' pen strokes et voila!)
spent about $11,000 on furnishings etc. for the aforementioned condo (it is AMAZING how quickly you can whip through that kinda money...seriously, it AIN'T difficult to do!)
created wills and power of attorneys for hubby and I (a little morbid but absolutely necessary now that we actually HAVE an estate to speak of!)
lost another of our little dwarf hammies (leaving only one "twoony" still alive...luckily, my favourite is the last one standing!)

Here are pics of the place which has now put us about $180K in debt...still no pics of our actual place but once we get everything in and settled, it may be easier to convince hubby to take some so stay tuned! ;o)

Our new T.V. *drools, imagining Dances With Wolves or LOTR on that baby!*

Our new bed ('cept ours is a King!)

Our new home-theatre-in-a-box

Try as I might, I can't find a pic of the loveseat we bought...it's a little like this, but much nicer and more padded. (This brings me to something I was thinking of earlier today: I HAVE to get hubby to teach me how to use the camera...ASAP! We've had the thing for almost a year and a half and I have no clue how to work it...otherwise, I could just take a pic of the couch that matches the loveseat we just bought 'cause it's RIGHT NEXT TO ME!)

So, working out ended up taking a back seat this week and I only managed to go on Monday but it's back to our regularly scheduled program starting this Monday (yes, even though it's a holiday, I'm still gonna be good...I gotta make up for this past week, ya know!). I'm cutting myself some slack 'cause we were only home before 8 p.m. one night and it's hard to come home and go right to bed, which I would have needed to if I was getting up at 5:50 a.m. to work out.

I have, however, managed to squeeze in some on-line poker (yes, after getting into six-figured debt, I like to relax with a little gambling...got a problem with that?!), just to reassure you that my priorities are in order! LMAO...AND I lost...there goes the mortgage $$ (actually, hard to lose enough to hurt TOO much playing $0.01/$0.02 blinds but I'm sure it COULD be done!)!

Anyway, hope everyone's having a good weekend...happy looooooong weekend to those lucky ones that get one (meself included -YAY!)! I'm off to see if I can't find me a tourney to lose...wish me aces... ;o)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #12 (Any Port In A Storm Edition)

2006-08-02T20:37:00.000-05:00

We have been having some bizarre weather the past few days...with the humidex, it was 48 degrees Celsius on Tuesday!! Don't know exactly what that is in ridiculously-outdated (read Fahrenheit) degrees, but I do know it was FREAKIN', UNNATURALLY HOT!!!
Anyway, this week I decided to show you my place...which will be officially mine (and hubby's) as of Friday because we are signing the papers with the lawyers this afternoon!
This is the view from our balcony at 9 p.m. last night. We were just heading into a BIG thunder/lightning storm and I went out to retrieve my little hibiscus tree because the wind was really starting to pick up. I had to call hubby to check it out because the sky was doing some really funky things and I immediatly thought "HNT pic"...so here it is! And yes, that is lightning in the middle of the pic in the very bright, shiny bit! ;o)
Technically (in case anyone cares!), hubby says this looks so bright and a bit fluffy because he used ISO 1600 and the shutter speed was about 2-3 seconds (so he had to stand REALLY still...or try anyway!).
Still been working out 3 times a week since I last posted about it...and I'm up to about 40 minutes on the bike so I'm happy with that for now! Next week, I'm planning to start going every day (except the weekends, gotta be realistic!)...so, we'll see how that goes...

HHNT everybody!

P.S. I would have been nekkid for this photo, except for the dude standing around WATCHING us (off to my left, just outside the pic), waiting for me to get nekkid! Good thing hubby spotted him...I thought I'd better not give him a show, in case he's a psycho or something! ;o)

**If you've never heard of this thing called "Half-Nekkid", click below to go visit Os, the great and powerful**

Half-Nekkid Thursday #11 (Star Trek Edition)

2006-07-26T21:43:00.000-05:00

I've gone a little effects-mad, I admit it! But they're fun and they make it a little easier to show a little more skin and not be so shy! ;o)
Anyway, really it's because hubby and I have been a little lazy about taking new pics so I'm adding a little interest to some I wasn't too sure about using, et voila! Submissive alien babe, at your service...come and get me Cpt. Kirk! :oD
I'll try to post a workout update later today or tomorrow for those of you on the edges of your seats about how I'm doing...
'Til then...HHNT!

**If you've never heard of this thing called "Half-Nekkid", click below to go visit Os, the great and powerful**

Half-Nekkid Thursday #10 (Special FX Movie Poster Edition)

2006-07-19T18:34:00.000-05:00

Needs a tag line though...how 'bout "The breasts have escaped and THEY MEAN BUSINESS!"? :oD

But seriously, I kinda like the way this effect turned out...very glamorous in a dirty kinda way!

And Polt, if you were shocked by my modest-by-comparison ass shot, you *may* wanna avert your eyes here... ;o)

HHNT kids!

**If you've never heard of this thing called "Half-Nekkid", click below to go visit Os, the great and powerful**

Happy hump-day! ;o)

2006-07-19T09:17:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to post an update because...well, because I'm proud dammit! :oD
Here's how the working out thing is going so far:

HNThursday...rode bike for 10 minutes, did treadmill for 20
Friday...rode bike for 20 minutes, did treadmill for 15
Saturday...didn't work out per se, but did swim and goof around with a 6 and a 3 year old and that IS a work out for my old ass!
Sunday...see Saturday
Monday...to celebrate my 35th birthday (OMG sounds SO old!!! LOL), I rode the bike for 30 minutes, did treadmill for 15
Tuesday...went swimming at the pool at my condo for about 40 minutes
Wednesday...rode bike for 30 minutes, did treadmill for 20

May not sound like much to some but for me, it's really something! And I'm progressing (going longer etc.) too which is something else! Hubby and I are going to try to figure out some type of weight routine so I can alternate cardio stuff with weights...you know, to sculpt the bod! ;o)

One more sleep until HNT...woohoo! :oD
'Til then, hope you're all having a great week...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #9 (Early Morning Effects Edition)

2006-07-13T05:02:00.000-05:00

Alright kids...so, not only am I up and at 'em at this ungodly hour but I am posting my HNT AND I'm now gonna go work out!!! Have I got my shit together today, or WHAT?! ;o)

Hope everyone has a great day!

**If you've never heard of this thing called "Half Nekkid", click the icon in the sidebar to go visit Os, the great and powerful...HHNT!

Happy (?!) anniversary...

2006-07-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to make a note regarding the post below this one...
It contains a story that I have wanted to tell since I started this blog...it's actually the reason I started the blog in the first place. Though my place has become something very different from what I thought it would be when I began, it is still helping me on my journey of discovering who I really am. Sounds kinda heavy for this place and I guess it is but it's still the truth. And that is something that has become VERY important to me in the last year or so...
I decided to write it now, with the anniversary of something that should never have had to happen, looming. Please do not mistake the light tone in the story for me taking it less than seriously because nothing could be further from the truth. I have spent the last year beginning to try to make up for the last 14 years (and to a lesser extent, the rest of my whole life with friends and family!) and it has been difficult for me.
But none of the revelations or changes I have made would have been possible without the overwhelming goodness and generosity of spirit of the man I married. His patience and willingness to stay have allowed me the opportunity to delve into my issues and with him by my side I have begun to deal with all the baggage I didn't even know I had! His support has been unwavering and in the beginning, unwarranted and I have to thank him from the bottom of my heart for giving me a second chance when what I deserved was to watch as he walked out of my life forever.

J, I love you more every day that we spend together...thank you for being you; the best person I have ever known. I hope to spend the rest of my life erasing all traces of the bad stuff from the last 14 years from your heart...

R

It's story time, children...

2006-07-09T14:58:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, there lived a princess…well, for the purposes of our story we’ll call her a princess but really she’s just a girl like many others out there in the kingdom.
Anyway, she lived with her family in many different places because they moved a lot. She had a mommy and daddy who loved each other but sometimes had difficulty showing this due to their different but equally troubled pasts. She also had a younger brother and a younger sister whom she secretly suspected were both more loved by their parents than her. Probably at least partly because of this suspicion, she was a bullying and overbearing older sister although at the time she did not realize this. She grew up and had what she had always considered a relatively normal childhood. There were bad times but for the most part, she was loved and cared for and no one ever really hurt her so she figured she was doing okay.
Then came boyfriends…she picked nice boys who generally loved her more than she loved them and she felt safe. And she cheated on them. Pretty much without exception. There was one boy she loved more than he loved her when she was 17 but she scared him with her intensity and he ran away. She learned another valuable lesson about opening up to people.
One day, the princess met a prince. She liked him immediately and set about pursuing him…she already had a boyfriend (who happened to be friends with the prince) but that had never stopped her before. This prince was different and she knew it…he was smart, funny, good-looking and above all, he was independent and capable. Unlike all the other boys she had chosen, this one did not need or want to be mothered and would not allow her to walk all over him…finally, here was someone with whom she could be an equal in a relationship. And miracle of miracles, he loved her too! They both quickly dispensed with all impediments and moved in together and they were married less than 2 years later.
They lived happily ever after…for 2 more years anyway.
The princess had vowed, before family, friends and whatever God there is, and even more importantly to herself, that she would NOT cheat on the prince. She loved him and if that was true, she should not need anyone else. Then the first true test of their marriage came along.
An evil witch came to the prince’s place of employment and for reasons known only to her, she hated the prince. It became her personal mission to make the prince’s life a living hell…and she was VERY good at it. This made the prince very unhappy and caused a great deal of stress for him…he needed the princess to be there for him and to make their home a refuge from the storm. She however, was ill prepared for this aspect of married life; in all her previous relationships, when the going got tough, she got going. So she withdrew emotionally and left the prince to deal with his misery on his own while she sought to soothe her feelings of inadequacy elsewhere.
She fell back on her tried and true patterns, as people tend to do. There was a pretty boy who worked next door to the princess and he had troubles of his own…she felt better able to help him with his problems as he was easily consoled with an illicit romp in the afternoon while the prince was slowly losing his mind at work. The boy soon moved away but that door, which had remained closed for 4 years, was once again open and the princess felt powerless to stop herself from going through…
The princess put her life with the prince in a little box in her head and kept it separate from the things she did outside their marriage. She told herself that this was something she needed that he could not give her and therefore, she had no choice in the matter; in order to be able to stay with him, she HAD to do these things. To make life easier for herself, she brought one of these boys into the lives of the prince and her whole family…that way she had a legitimate reason for being with him and did not have to be as careful about sneaking around. For 9 years, they did their thing right in front of the prince’s eyes and believed that he did not know. Although he confronted her on more than one occasion, the princess thought that her assurances that nothing was going on were accepted as truth because that’s what she needed to think in order to carry on with her addiction (since that was what it had become).
Until the 10th night of July in the year 2005…
That night, the prince went to bed before the princess as usual…it was a Saturday night and he worked the next day but she did not, leaving her free to do as she pleased. A couple of hours after he had retired, the princess was chatting on the computer with her latest conquest, a boy she worked with who lived far, far away. Although they had not yet done anything to consummate their infatuation, they had begun to make plans to do so. When the prince appeared in the doorway looking angry, after apparently lying in bed stewing for hours, she steeled herself for whatever was coming next. Nothing she could have done would have prepared her for what the prince was about to say. He confronted her again but this time he had proof of her infidelity, which he had gotten by hacking into her email account. She was trapped; all the boxes she had erected in her head to keep her lies (and lives) separated came crashing down.
There followed an all night yelling-talking-crying-denying-then-admitting-fest wherein many truths were revealed. They talked of things that she had NEVER admitted to anyone, least of all herself…it was horrible and heart wrenching and humbling and more than anything else, she felt relieved. She no longer had to pretend that she was happy and that everything was fine…the illusion of their perfect marriage and relationship was gone leaving behind the possibility of replacing it with something REAL.
Which is how they have spent the year since then and how they intend to spend every day from now on…until they have their happily ever after.

The End (but really, just the beginning!)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #8 (Canada/Independance Day Edition)

2006-07-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

Happy belated Canada and Independance day!

I thought I'd give you a little more than last time...as requested! ;o)

And I didn't mean to exclude anyone in my last post...I was just so intent on getting in the "ass man" Seinfeld reference that I forgot to include da chickies!

So, THIS one's for you beautiful, ass-lovin' ladies of HNT...hope you enjoy!

HHNT everybody!

Half-Nekkid Thursday #7 (Bottom's Up Edition)

2006-06-29T19:38:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd complete the outfit that started with the bra last week...a girl's gotta match, don'tcha know!

So, let's see if HNB is right about the tushie shots...are the boys of HNT ass-men or what? ;o)

HHNT all!

The games people play...

2006-06-22T20:36:00.000-05:00

**SCROLL DOWN FOR THE PROMISED HNT**

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Sometimes these guys are dumb and/or not funny...but other times they make me absolutely LMAO.
Plus, now I've got a theme going on today... ;o)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #6 (Gratuitous Cleavage Edition)

2006-06-22T20:11:00.000-05:00

Nothing like bouncing back onto the scene, right? ;o)

I've kind of squandered my blogging time this week by catching up on reading everyone else's blogs instead of writing my own! Hubby's on afternoons so it's the best time for me to do my thing and here I am on the last day having not posted once...until now. So, I thought I'd make this one count! ;o)

I promise to attempt to try to commit to recounting our trip out East by the end of this weekend. It really was a nice trip, in spite of the circumstances which enabled it. More later...

For now, I leave you with the question: Do cleavage HNT shots REALLY attract more comments? Discuss...

HHNT!

Stuff...

2006-06-02T23:45:00.000-05:00

I had fully intended to tell a big story tonight...one that I keep alluding to but have yet to have the guts to come out and tell. After I read this post, I realized that I've been doing the same thing and have lost sight of why I originally started blogging, which was to prompt self-reflection. All because I have been reluctant to show the crappy, selfish, horrible, boring sides of myself for fear of seeing the dreaded big 0 next to the comments. Anyway, I had decided to take the plunge and will still do so but not tonight...

Hubby's grandfather is not expected to last the night and we are likely to be picking up and heading East for a few days for his funeral...not how we had pictured our next trip to see his family (and certainly not how I had pictured spending our 12th wedding anniversary, which is Sunday, though we hadn't made any specific plans either). Unfortunately, this is how it goes...we don't have the money to make the trip until something horrible happens and then we find the cash somehow...it's sad, really.
Actually, we've had several unfortunate events recently...girl kitty (see pic) is sick...cars have both been sick...hubby's been under the weather...this just adds to the list of bad stuff...bleah (to quote Dzer, hope you can't really trademark somethin' like that but if ya can, sowwy!).

So, I'll be MIA for a bit...I'll be back when I can and will eventually tell the aforementioned tale, when it's more appropriate. Also want to do something like this when I have more time to ponder what to say...

Sorry for the shameless plugs...but in addition to playing with what I can do here, I just thought I'd share some of the places I lurk and the people I like to spy on. ;o)

Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast...
(Ace Rimmer - Red Dwarf)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #5 (Hokey Pokey Edition)

2006-06-01T05:49:00.000-05:00

This is me putting my right leg in...I stopped short of actually shaking it all about, but you get the idea!

Thought I'd try being one of the first to post this time instead of always being one of the last since I actually did my homework early (ie. took two pics last week instead of one)! Don't get used to it 'cause I'm sure it'll be back to slacker-Moon next week! ;o)

HHNT everyone!

Half-Nekkid Thursday #4 (One Trick Pony Edition)

2006-05-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

Here is my claim to fame...referenced below under "Unusual Talent"...I think we can all agree that THAT is an appropriate designation, no? ;o)

HHNT everybody!

Drawin' a blank here...

2006-05-19T20:59:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I cannot for the life of me come up with something fascinating to post...which explains my lack of blogging in the past few weeks (except for HNT, which I'm totally hooked on now, btw!). In my travels of the other HNTers' sites, I came across one of those Q & A-type thingy's and it was kinda interesting. So, instead of killing myself trying to be original this evening, and without further ado, I give you:

The ABC's of M_o_o_n
Accent: Canuck…I’ve even been accused of saying “oot and aboot” (it’s NOT true, I swear!).
Booze: Yucky unless masked by fruity, girly concoctions…and umbrellas. Basically not worth the trouble…I’d rather get my high another way.
Chore I Hate: Whatcha got?! I’m lazy so not a big fan of any of ‘em but before we had a dishwasher, I guess dishes had to be pretty close to the top.
Dogs or Cats: Kitties by a damn stretch! They are beautiful, sweet and they always smell good…even when wet. Dogs…not so much and they slobber. Actually, I love all animals, but cats ARE my fav (see my tat).
Essential Electronics: ‘puter, cell phone, PVR (never figgered out how to properly use the VCR’s…what? I never had to as hubby is quite technically-oriented…sue me!), do things with batteries count? ;o)
Favorite Perfume/Cologne: For me: Aqua Di Gio and various fruity body sprays…I don’t like flowery scents. For him: Fahrenheit, Kenneth Cole, Obsession
Gold/Silver: Gold although I do have a beautiful silver necklace and Mexican opal pendant that I got as my souvenir from the Mayan Riviera which I LOVE and wear all the time.
Hometown: Kitchener
Insomnia: No, thanks…we’re all stocked up here!
Job Title: Sales Support
Kids: 2 cats and 3 dwarf hamsters…no interest in anything else, human or otherwise. And there won’t be any more “disposable” (read: life span of less than 10 years) pets after the “Twoonies” go…too much work and too little payout.
Living Arrangements: 2 bedroom condo (or soon to be, anyway)…see post below for pics.
Most Admired Trait: Skip the tough ones and come back if you have time at the end…always worked on tests in school…
Ok…back…
Lemme ask this…admired by whom? Others? Then I have no clue…the gaping hole where my self-esteem should be prevents me from answering that. Myself? Well, I think I’m pretty clever but since I often find I’m the only one who gets me, I’m not sure that qualifies… Aaaaaaand we’re moving on!
Number of Sexual Partners: 2 more than I should have… :o(
Overnight Hospital Stays: One since I was born…for a blood clot that developed as the result of a severely sprained ankle, combined with the birth control pill. I don’t recommend…well, ANY of that! :oP
Phobia: Not real big on heights or flying…or creatures with more than 4 legs, although that isn’t really a phobia so much as a general disgust with too many freakin’ legs!
Quote: “Screws fall out all the time, sir, the world is an imperfect place.” John Bender, The Breakfast Club
Religion: No, thank you…I’ll believe in God etc. on my own terms.
Siblings: Younger brother and a younger sister.
Time I Usually Wake Up: Whenever the accursed alarm goes off…or, if I have a CHOICE, sometime after 11 or even noon. I’m a nighthawk…
Unusual Talent: I can touch my nose with my tongue without using my hands…sounds useless, but you might be surprised! ;o) I may even do this for HNT sometime…if I can get a pic of it that doesn’t look TOO gross! LOL
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Peppers, unless they’re hot, pickled and beets, unless they’re pickled.
Worst Habit: So many to choose from…slacking pretty much sums it up though. We can call it procrastination, if you prefer…
X-Rays: Yep, for the aforementioned severely sprained, but NOT broken, ankle and several times at the chiropractor to check the state of my spine.
Yummy Foods I Make: Tarragon chicken and a sort of chili-stew with no beans
Zodiac Sign: Cancer aka Moon Child (not where I got my name, incidentally).

Half-Nekkid Thursday #3 (Anniversary Edition)

2006-05-18T19:50:00.000-05:00

My first HNT pic...three long weeks ago! You don't have to scroll down very far at all to find it!

And this week's "Happy 1st Anniversary" pic...

HHNT everybody! :o)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #2 (Windows to the Soul Edition)

2006-05-11T18:58:00.000-05:00

Tried to get artistic by doing the reflected in the mirror thing...came out a little blurry but oh well! Hubby says to say that I'm actually COMPLETELY nekkid in this pic but we cropped it 'cause we're gonna hafta work up to posting THAT! ;o)

HHNT to one and all!

Half Nekkid Thursday...just barely! ;o) (Tattoo edition)

2006-05-04T22:09:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I'm gonna make a habit of this...we'll see. But here is my submission for this week anyway...

Like the giant freckle right in the middle of the female figure's chest? Yeah, me too! :oP

HHNT!

T.O. in all her glory...

2006-05-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

Hubby took this one on his way to work last spring...I love it and hope it cheers Polt up as he's missing the T-dot... ;o)

This one's from his work...pretty decent view, I'd say...

Enjoy! :o)

My G.P. experience...part deux!

2006-05-01T17:57:00.000-05:00

As promised, here is the first WW sketch that George did for hubby from the Chicago convention in Aug. 2001.

But even better, here is the one that hubby got for a $60 Cdn donation to "Actor" (G.P.'s pet cause)...look how great this is! Much more detailed...and she's SO pretty! ;o)
As he was last time, George was a real gentleman...joked and chatted with the fans and graciously, even happily, snapped pics with anyone who had a camera (not us, this time). He seems like a really nice guy in addition to being hugely talented which makes me admire him even more!

This is Cerebus by Dave Sims...a Canadian (born in Hamilton, ON and now lives in my hometown) independant comic artist who is, I'm told, pretty well-known. I just know he was very funny and down-to-earth as he finished his neglected "homework" (this sketch!) from the night before in front of us. He works pretty well under pressure!

Finally, (for this post anyway!) this is what hubby got for Christmas from me this year...among other things. It's two pages of original art from Crossgen Chronicles #3...ain't it grand?!

My G.P. experience...

2006-04-27T21:33:00.000-05:00

Just for you Polt! This is the one George did for me...hubby got Wonder Woman, which he is gonna locate and which I will post later (along with the tattoo pic I keep promising AND a pic of what I got him for Christmas this past year!). We got a pic with him too but since the scan of that was lost when we switched 'puters, and all that's left is the ACTUAL photo, I am not making ANY promises about that ever appearing here! ;o)
And due to my Alzheimer's, I forgot that this was done in August 2001, only a couple of weeks before 9-11...we actually discussed after the fact how GLAD we were that this trip did not take place any later.

It's our special day!

2006-04-26T17:47:00.000-05:00

Or it's one of them, anyway! Like most couples, hubby and I have many anniversaries...first meeting (though we have some controversy on THAT subject - see below!), first kiss, first...well, you get the idea! ;o)

Anyway, today is the fourteenth anniversary of the day we officially started going out. And I have my little sis to thank for that...

Hubby and sis (and her not-boyfriend-boy-friend) and I went to a movie that Sunday evening. I had just broken up with the guy I had been dating for almost three years on the Friday so I could pursue my feelings for hubby, so this was all very new to all of us (my family included as they really liked the ex). But apparently, he had made a decent impression on my sister because, over Mr. Sub sandwiches after the movie, she decided to take it upon herself to ask him what his intentions towards me were! LOL Not in so many words but basically she said "So, have you two made it official yet?", which prompted hubby to MAKE it official later that night, giving us this day to celebrate (among our other milestones)! The next day, he gave us another special day by asking me to move in with him (or did I give us that day by saying "yes"?), although we had only really known each other since the beginning of April (though he swears we met twice before, I remember only one other time so I maintain that's all there was!). And the rest, as they say, is history. Lots of it great, some of it not so, and still other bits that I would choose to re-do entirely, given the chance...but only if I could be sure we would end up where we are today, because that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Happy anniversay of the day we started going out, Dear! :ox

Heard this in the car on the way home...

2006-04-25T17:22:00.000-05:00

These lyrics (except for the boy part and the chemical part! lol) largely reflect how I look back at the last nine years of my life...and actually, to some extent, everything before that too. It's not a GREAT song but it is kinda unusual and catchy once you hear it a couple of times...and I like it because of the lyrics.

It makes me happy to think I am moving further and further from this place everyday...but it also reminds me about the kind of selfishness that allowed me to end up there in the first place. For me, the title is a cop-out...it was the way I justified my behaviour and had nothing to do with WHY I was able to act the way I did. But now that I think of it, maybe that's another reason to like it; the fact that I now recognize that it's a cop-out..or was, at least for me...

Note: I took out some stuff in the middle 'cause it doesn't really apply...hey, I can do that 'cause I have that power! :o)

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it - And I wanted it
Now, I'm having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need
To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just stop
Before I have the chance to contemplate the
Consequences of action
Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head
Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design
...
Bridge [x2]:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design

Flawed Design - Stabilo

It's where I live!

2006-04-24T18:21:00.000-05:00

Not really but it IS a reasonable, hand-drawn facsimile...it's the decorated model that sold us on the place. Ours is, of course, nicer since WE chose all the colours etc. but I don't have pics of our actual place so these will have to do! :oP

The front foyer (reflected in the mirrored closet door) and the bathroom

The bathroom...we got the upgraded soaker tub (which is like a FOOT deeper...harder to get in and out of, but MUCH nicer for baths!)

The dining room...doors to the two bedrooms

Living room...door to the balcony

The opening form the living room to the kitchen

The kitchen...we've got the same colour cabinets but upgraded so they have a nice pattern on them. Plus, my tile and my countertop match and are way cooler than this! It's actually my favourite room...the one that turned out the best.

It ain't much but I love it! And when the place actually goes condo (which it has to do in order for us to get our mortgage...which we have to in order to OWN the place!), supposedly at the end of June now, we will finally be the proud owners of our own place. It's only taken us 14 years...we're still young enough to enjoy it...barely! ;o)

So long...and thanks for all the fish!

2006-04-24T17:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it has been a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time since I've gotten around to posting anything...I am SUCH a procrastinator, as anyone who's ever met me (even briefly) would tell you!
A LOT has happened since then...here then, is a Coles Notes update. Let's see:
1) in November hubby and I bought a condo (refurb of existing apartment, not new but completely redone)
2) in December we had a lovely (for the most part) Christmas and holiday season
3) in January we almost lost some really close friends over a really stoopid misunderstanding on New Year's Eve (it's all good now!)
4) in February we took possession of the afore-mentioned condo (with some bumps but luckily, nothing major was wrong!) and started accumulating the new stuff to furnish it
5) in March we moved into said partially-furnished condo for good (or at least until we've amassed enough equity to make buying something bigger/better possible), I was a little disappointed that Brokeback Mountain didn't win more Oscars (namely the acting ones) but overall I was pretty happy with the way it went, and
6) so far this month, I've planned a "girls weekend" with my sis, sister-in-law and some friends, managed to maintain some semblance of cleanliness and order around the apartment (which truly is noteworthy, as anyone who knows hubby and I even remotely would again inform you!) and have booked almost all of my vacation for the year at work, giving me something to LIVE for! ;o)

Here's the pretty cottage the gals and I will be enjoying in a couple of weeks...can't wait!

So, that's my life for the past 6 months, in a nutshell (no, THIS is my life in a nutshell *mimes being inside a nutshell*...I know, I'm a geek)...I'm gonna try to post more regularly from now on because this was meant to be a kind of diary and a diary with no entries is a bit pointless not to mention BORING! Also, a couple of very sweet people actually have links to this thing on their blogs so I now feel some sort of responsibility to them...thanks guys and I'll try to be fascinating...or as close as I can manage! :oD
I'll post pics of the condo next...

Makes you think...

2005-10-14T23:46:00.000-05:00

My mom sent me this email the other night:

"Subject: My Friend.
Just a note to let you know that O. passed away yesterday Oct. 11, 2005, at about 10:30 in the morning. He died very peacefully and that is what I have been praying for so I'm very much at peace myself. His son from Bermuda, who is a wonderful person, did not make it here in time for pretty much anything. The prayers at the Mosque or the actual burial as O. had to be buried before sundown of the day he passed away. It was so upsetting to come back to A.'s house to find him alone and hysterical up in his father's room. He was wearing his father's robe, and had splashed O.'s cologne all over himself and was sobbing so heart-breakingly that my heart actually hurt. I'm praying for him because he really needs consolation right now. A. is quite at peace as well as she honoured his wishes to die at home..."

I sat here with tears streaming down my face...not because I knew the man because I'd only met him a couple of times (although he seemed like a very nice man) and not really because he had died (he had inoperable lung cancer so that was inevitable but I'm glad he was able to die as he wanted; at home and in the arms of the woman he loved, while he slept); it was the subject line and the stuff about his son that got me. The simplicity of the label "my friend" is very nice in this context. And it was very easy for me to put myself in the son's shoes (though I didn't want to stay there long)...my dad is going to be 70 soon and he isn't in the best health. The idea of anything happening to him is bad enough but if something did and for some reason I missed out on saying goodbye and seeing him one last time, I believe I would be inconsolable.
Then, of course, I started thinking about things you haven't said to people or relationships you haven't quite worked out and what happens if you never get another chance...
I still can't quite shake the feeling that many people in my life don't *really* know me (my parents and siblings included); I've put up a lot of walls to make sure that's so, I guess, but now I seem to be finding them kind of confining. As I figure more stuff out about myself, I realise that my childhood was not exactly as idyllic as I'd always remembered it (nothing drastic). My parents are wonderful people and I love them and they love me (though not quite as much as they love my brother and sister...a belief I was unaware I held until recently). But many subtle things were off that helped shape me into who I am today and heavily (though mostly unconsciously) influenced my actions over the years. I guess I ended up with a lot of holes inside (which I only "discovered" in response to a personal crisis that came to a head about three months ago) and I spent a lot of time doing self-destructive things, trying to fill them.
A lot of this might seem pretty standard to those who have been more reflective but for someone whose best interests have been served by seeing only what she's wanted to for *many* years, this is pretty fascinating stuff! The death of someone loosely associated with my family has reminded me of my hope that I'll get the chance to straighten out what I can with those who are closest to me before anything final happens to any of them...or to me, for that matter. I'd prefer not to have any MORE regrets, if I can help it...

And now, back to your regularly scheduled porn! :oD

2005-10-12T22:53:00.000-05:00

Post #2...so there, Lone! :oP

It's about that time...

2005-10-08T15:17:00.000-05:00

I have been inspired, both by viewing other people's blogs and by recent events in my life, to finally join the gazillion others who keep this kind of on-line diary. No guarantees that I will have anything interesting to say but I'm going to try to lead a more reflected-upon existance from here on and that would seem to require some kind of documentation, so here I am! I'm new to the technical side of things so anyone who stumbles across this will just have bear with me while I figger it all out... ;o)

A place for me...

One year later...

The looooong and short of the past year...

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated...

My weekend and Half-Nekkid Thursday #24 (Corrected Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #24 (The Birthday Suit Edition)

My weekend...and happy birthday to me!

Better... ;o)

Ah HELL no!

Cyanide & Happiness for the long weekend...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #23 (The Infamous "Wardrobe Malfunction" Edition)

Don't you love it when...

Why I went home early today...

Ya gotta love...umm, Bush...

Don'tcha hate it when...

The theme song for today...done beautifully by the ladies of PQotD....

MORE than time for a new post, I'd say!

"Bitter Betty" rears her ugly head...again...

So much for that roll I was on!

Not HNT...

My weekend and the state of my mental health...

This was supposed to be included in last Thursday's post...

Cleaning bastards stole my lunch!

This is dedicated to the one I love(d)...

Moonspells@hormail.com... *snicker*

A Meme, of sorts...

For the umpteenth time...

My new ride and other updates...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #22 (And The Hits Just Keep On Comin' Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #21 (Once Upon A Time Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #20 (Snug As A Bug Edition)

A Sad Day...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #19 (Cleaning Up My Act Edition)

Should Auld Aquaintance Be Forgot?

Half-Nekkid Thursday #18 (Special Assignment #2 Edition)

Best of the Season!

Half-Nekkid Thursday #17 (Special Chistmas Assignment Edition)

A Brand New World

Half-Nekkid Thursday #16 (Long-Awaited (?!) Return/New Beginning Edition)

Update...

Let's Play Tag...

A Meme...(thought I'd go a different way today)

Top o' the mornin' to ya!

Happy belated blog-iversary to me...

Another one for today...

With or Without You...

All I Can Do...

Torn

Don't Cry...

My day...

And so it goes...

And in the blink of an eye...

One Thing...

Over and Over...

How I Spent My Summer, The Untold Story...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #15 (How I Spent My Summer Vacation Part Deux Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #14 (How I Spent My Summer Vacation Edition)

Thank you Sir, may I have another?

Half-Nekkid Thursday #13 (Talk To The Hand Edition)

HNT...psych!

Days of Our Lives...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #12 (Any Port In A Storm Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #11 (Star Trek Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #10 (Special FX Movie Poster Edition)

Happy hump-day! ;o)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #9 (Early Morning Effects Edition)

Happy (?!) anniversary...

It's story time, children...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #8 (Canada/Independance Day Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #7 (Bottom's Up Edition)

The games people play...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #6 (Gratuitous Cleavage Edition)

Stuff...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #5 (Hokey Pokey Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #4 (One Trick Pony Edition)

Drawin' a blank here...

Half-Nekkid Thursday #3 (Anniversary Edition)

Half-Nekkid Thursday #2 (Windows to the Soul Edition)

Half Nekkid Thursday...just barely! ;o) (Tattoo edition)

T.O. in all her glory...

Moonspells@hormail.com... snicker