Happy belated blog-iversary to me...

I noticed that with everything going on, I missed my one year anniversay of blogging...it was Oct. 8th, in case anyone's keeping track...no, me neither...
SO much has happened...I wouldn't know where to start. Instead, you're going to get the "Coles Notes" version (for all the other Canucks, 'cause I don't think the U.S. has Coles bookstores, although I'm sure an Amurican version exists...I just don't know what they're called!). I'll start with now and go back a bit because it's easier to remember...
I'm moving out. We aren't involving a lawyer (yet), so we'll call it a trial separation...but to give you some idea of the seriousness, I may very well have to sign a one year lease. Whatever you want to call it, we aren't fooling around...
Oh yeah, except he WAS. Not that this is a surprise to anyone (even me), but from the time we got back from his grandfather's funeral until Girlfriend got here on Sept. 14th, they thought they were in love. His plan, and I've SEEN the emails so I know firsthand, was not to leave me but to carry on behind my back...maybe throw me a threesome periodically so I wouldn't freak out, you know, that kind of thing. Sound a little familiar? Yeah, to me too...but HE doesn't want to hear anything about the similarities between what he was doing and what I did for 9 years. It's completely different...because mine was for 9 years! BUT, it's okay, you see, because when G/f DID get here they changed their minds...or decided that it wasn't LOVE, at any rate. So, that makes it all better, right? No, I don't really think so either...
The thing is, he doesn't care. He's decided that among the MANY other things he's dealing with, he has not forgiven me or dealt with his anger about the affair, like he said he had almost a year and a half ago. Right now, he is so f*cked up, so LOST, that our entire 15 years together means nothing (or at least not much) to him...honestly, I don't even recognise the man I have known in him at all. The situation has gone to places (and beyond, frankly) that I would have SWORN we were not capable of going before this all started.
So, I suggested that I move out on my own. It accomplishes a couple of things: 1) I get to find out if I'm staying only because I'm afraid to be alone (because I never have been...never lived alone and haven't been without a significant other since I was 17), 2) he finds out the same thing and, 3) it gives us both time to figure out if too much damage has been done on either side for us to consider getting back together. G/f is going to stay (since her relationship is f*cked up too and since she now needs a place to live until at least June 2007) and pay rent so that we don't have to sell the condo and legally separate (yet)...I'm taking the cats with me.
And don't get me wrong, I KNOW exactly how absolutely F*CKED this ALL is...I'm living it, remember. But I am making an appointment with a lawyer for a consultation BEFORE I move out so he can caution me on all the pitfalls of this new situation, most of which I've just outlined above...I know. I'm just not ready to admit defeat and make everything all tidy and legal...yet. I hope there is still enough left of "us" so we can both work through all of this sh*t and move on...together. If not, at least we will hopefully have been able to work through enough so that the proceedings will end up being less unpleasant than the last month and a half has been.
We were (are?) soulmates, you see. And I cannot give up on almost 15 years without at least trying everything to make it work...call me a fool, if you must. People called HIM that a year and a half ago when he stayed with me...somewhere, I still hope we can prove 'em all wrong.