And so it goes...

I'm actually feeling *a little* better today.
I went back to work yesterday after being off since last Wednesday with a back/hip issue...that was NOT a good day. Hubby and g/f were home alone all day and all I could think about was the situation...what it is...what it isn't anymore. It was depressing and horrible and there was a period of time where I was pretty sure I was going to have to talk to my doctor about stress-leave because I could NOT concentrate. Keep in mind, however, that I was also running on emotion and caffeine and not much more than that since I did NOT sleep a whole big bunch over the weekend (and really not properly or consistently for a couple of weeks before that).
Anyway, last night was also horrible...H and I had yet another confrontation/discussion. See, as anyone who has read this thing over the past while knows, we just bought this condo and $12K worth of shit to fill it up...effectively trapping us here as we can't sell it yet and we can't afford for a real trial separation, involving separate habitation. He moved into the second bedroom officially last night with g/f (platonically...as naive as it sounds, he tells me it's so and if we are to have ANY chance, I have to believe what he says), which SUCKS. It's the only way of creating any space at all, given the circumstances, and that's what we need right now.
So, it's been a little better today...H went back to work and he called to apologize about the fight last night and ask me to give him time. Which I will...I don't have any choice really. He assures me that after working out his own stuff, working out our marriage is still a priority for him, so I have some hope. And maybe that's why it's better...maybe I'm starting to come to terms with the situation and my place in it. He will either deal with what I did, forgive me and we will move on or he won't and we won't. But I have decided that I will get through this no matter which way it turns out...I will try to let go of my fear and deal with my own issues. And I will do what he's asked me and be patient and give him space to work on his.
Because I do owe him that much...
And I do still love him.