How I Spent My Summer, The Untold Story...

I was going to do this as a second installment in my Fairy Tale-themed-posts-about-my-life "series" but I don't have it in me right now. It has been a very long week (and several very complicated months before that) and I can't spare any energy on creativity, such as it would have been.
Girlfriend from the pics below has been living with us for a week today...she's moved here from the East coast to start her new life. She's staying with us until she can get a job and secure a place for her and Fiance to live, then he will move up and we will part ways...at least as roommates. And actually, that really isn't the problem...although at various times since June, I have thought it was.
You've seen the pics, right? She's 20 and she's lovely...she's also troubled, with a horrible past and many things in common with hubby. They connect in a way that we apparently don't, even though he and I are soulmates. Anyway, I have had some issues with self-esteem and feeling inadequate over the three or so months since Hubby and I first discussed "playing" with her. I have always been all for the idea of us with someone else...long ago, it was probably for the wrong reasons but I believe I have worked through a lot of that and when this came up, I thought that H and I were solid enough to try what I figured would be a relatively low-risk encounter. Turns out, by the time we were discussing this, we were already past the point of no return...
Now, I wander around our beautiful new home (the place we bought together to solidify our new start) and I feel like a guest...or an intruder. G/f has been going to work with H (because she is having trouble dealing with the move and being away from her family and many other things she's going through right now), so they leave for work together, they come home together, they go to bed together. And I'm right there, but they both seem so far away from me; I always feel completely alone. I have been trying to not make this all about me...because that's what I do. But H has said some things over this time that he now says were not true...him saying it does not make them FEEL any less true though; some things are really difficult to un-hear. He now says it's him, not me...some kind of early mid-life crisis maybe, or the fact that he hasn't properly dealt with his Grandfather's death.
So, I'm trying to just be here for him, trying to let go of my own fear of abandonment, of rejection, of being the "odd man out" but it's hard to get past the ache in my chest and the inability to breathe. It's sort of a Karmic joke really...I am led to understand just HOW much I love and need him by a situation in which I am absolutely powerless to do anything about it. I know I deserve this, and more, but it's just so hard.

After everything we went through last year, for the first time, I was able to say that I was really happy...I wish I had known it was going to have such a limited shelf-life so I could have appreciated it more.

I wish we could just go back to May, when I loved him and I KNEW he loved me and everything was right in our world...

**Edit: Please note that the opinions expressed above are those of the writer at the specific time they were typed. They may no longer be valid now...or now...or even now. They are based on emotions which have been in constant motion for quite a while and so are transitory, at best...**
Also, did I mention that there is something wrong with my back, causing me to additionally be in a bunch of PHYSICAL pain? Yeah, so anyway...please feel free to change stations to something less Fucking Bleah™ (with thanks to Dzer for the expression)!