Top o' the mornin' to ya!

I'm sitting here at work at 7:22 a.m. and there isn't another soul in the building... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. WHY am I at work so early, you might ask? And you would be right to ask...I'm not exactly the early-bird type, after all. My car is in the shop for a mystery "Check Engine" light so I had to catch a ride in with hubby...only he has to be at work for 7:30 and it takes him about an hour to get there! That means our heroine was up at 5:45...A.M.! Bleah!

So, I signed my lease on Saturday...I am the proud tenant of a little one bedroom basement apartment in a nice, new neighbourhood about twenty minutes from work (although it's probably more like ten minutes THIS early!). My dear friend took some pics of the place so once I get it painted, I'll try to post some before and after shots of it.
It's funny how you can be feeling so many things all at once. I'm sad, no doubt about that; this is, one way or another, the end of an era in my life. Nothing will ever be the same. But at the same time, I'm actually excited...this will be MY place and no one else's and that is a foreign concept to me. Even when I was a kid, I always shared my room with my sister so I've never had a space that was JUST MINE. And I need to do this...35 is relatively old for finally spreading your wings and finding out if you can fly on your own, but better late than never, right?
But I'm scared too. Scared that this IS it for H and I...that he will discover he doesn't want or need me in his life. Which sounds stupid, after everything we've been through; it should be clear that NEITHER of us needs the other or the baggage that we bring with us...a fresh start is what's needed for both of us. I am still hoping, in a small place in my heart though, that we can find our separate ways out the other side of this and somehow meet up and go on together. Until then, we have our separate paths to follow.
And I'm scared about what I will find out there for myself...can I make it on my own? Can I forge a life for myself, by myself? More importantly, can I make it a life that I am HAPPY to be living? Or will I be the pathetic cat lady, living in the basement...lonely and all alone, but for her feline companions?
Or what if I decide I LIKE being alone...that I don't want to be married anymore? Talk about your identity crisis...

Anyway, to all the ladies/gents who have walked this path before me, either recently or not, I salute you for the journey you undertook. And dammit, I'm proud of me for having the balls to do this...even given what I've said above. I AM doing the right thing (for both H and I) and I was the one who had the courage to say it and do it; to stop the hurting and fighting and ruining any chance we might have of ever being friends, much less anything else. I haven't done much right in the last 15 years...but this time, I know that I am. I hope this means I have grown and am already on my way to being more of the person I want to be. I think it does; a year and a half ago, I could not have made this choice...indeed, I did not and looking back, I probably should have. Hell, I SHOULD have done it 9 years before THAT instead of taking the "easy" way and annihilating the one person I loved more than anyone...

So, wish me luck...and stay tuned. Because it's going to be a brave new world here at Moonspells' Place and you're all invited to take a front row seat to see the show! ;o)