This was supposed to be included in last Thursday's post...

Because it had the right feeling for the mood of the day, and some of the lyrics are pertinent too. And I'm posting it today because I'm lazy... :o)

**Edit...for those who are unfamiliar with the song (you'll hafta click, I dunno how to put the video here): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPz3YaIJkjQ

Breathe (2 AM)
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to critisize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys.
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe.
woah breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe
oh breathe, just breathe.

-Anna Nalick

Cleaning bastards stole my lunch!

One of the many joys of working in an office...periodically, the cleaning people are tasked to scour whatever community kitchen facilities exist, including the fridge. This generally means chucking whatever miscellaneous garbage has been sitting around growing mold since the last head-to-toe cleaning was done. However, it unfortunately ALSO means indiscriminate tossing of any tupperware that unsuspecting souls may have left overnight, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, because they did not realise it was time for the freakin' annual cleaning!

That's right...I left my salad in the fridge yesterday, planning on having it for lunch today because I forgot to bring dressing for it yesterday. So, I arrive bright and early this morning, dressing in hand, only to discover that now, I have dressing but NO SALAD!

And I lost my cool, huge, expensive container too which pisses me off. A pox on their houses, I say! Hmph. :oP

Moving on...

Actually, that's really all for now. I'm off to play some poker tomorrow and relax with my kitties and my lovely "friend"...have a great weekend and I'll check in with you all on Monday! ;o)

This is dedicated to the one I love(d)...

It's funny how many times in the past year or two I've said, "So much has happened since this time last year!" or some variation on that theme.

But really, kind of a lot has happened since this time last year.

And I was all ready to have some kind of breakdown today...but it hasn't happened. Now, granted, I am not yet in bed trying to sleep, which is usually when my attacks of the vapours (or whatever you want to call them) show up. But so far, so good...sanity, or my version of it, is still intact thus far.

For a while, I pictured this post as much more rant-y and rave-y...me railing against the man who "done me wrong" on this, the day that started it all fifteen years ago. But truthfully, I think I've wasted enough time on that kind of thing lately and I find that in the end, I'm really no better off for it. I mean sure, who can't use a good bitch session now and again, even if you have not been recently dumped for a twinkie fifteen years your junior? Thing is, it took two of us fucked-up people to fuck up our relationship and no matter how it ended, neither the affair nor the shit he did in the last 8 months of our "marriage" had anything to do with the people with whom we did those things.

The person I loved, the person I married is gone. And making me leave was really the best thing he could have done for me (although, no matter what he tries to tell our friends, I do NOT believe this is WHY he did it and if he had any balls, he could have found a better way...but I digress) because otherwise, I would have likely spent the rest of my life trying to make up to him something that was not nearly entirely my fault. Something that he was never going to forgive me for anyway as it would mean coming to terms with his part in it and letting go of his precious emotional crutches. It would have amounted to a further waste of both of our time and I'm glad he finally let me in on that secret. I still believe (sucker that I am) that had we both been willing to try HARD at the same time, we might have been able to come out the other side with something worth the effort but that is a moot point now as the time for that has certainly passed us by.

This is the first of a bunch of anniversaries and important days in the upcoming months but I believe it's the only one I will commemorate here. Because I really am trying to move on with my life. And I think a big part of that is getting over dwelling on the past and regretting stuff that's done and over...and finally forgiving myself.

Happy no-longer anniversary, Jack...I hope you can finally find what you're looking for.

Moonspells@hormail.com... *snicker*

Gotta love typo's...I just HAD to share that one!
Not much to say today...except I finally got around to updating my meagre list of links down the side there. Check 'em out...there's some seriously GOOD stuff in there!
I'll likely have more to say tomorrow..."ever-elusive kudos" to anyone who can figure out why...

A Meme, of sorts...

The ever-so-fabulous Polt played this little 5 questions game and then offered to come up with questions for anyone else who wanted to play...I wanted...so here we go:

1) If you could give anyone in the world, any gift imaginable, what would you give, to whom, and why?

Well, this is gonna be sappy...I would give the gift of perfect health to my parents. My mom has fibromyalgia and my dad has too many health issues to list but just a couple are degenerating disks in his back and breathing issues. They are good people who did the very best they could raising three kids with very little money, most of the time. They deserve some time to enjoy it...and instead, they are both on disability and can't do too much of anything without pain in their "golden" years.

2) What place anywhere in the world, but outside of your own country, would you most want to visit and why?
I think I'd go to Africa because of the animals, of course, but also because if you're going to go to a far-away place, why not see somewhere completely unlike anyplace you've ever been before? And I think Africa certainly qualifies.

3) Which is cooler, American TV or Canadian TV?
American...ever seen an episode of Degrassi?! I love Kevin Smith but he's ALL wrong on this one! (An aside: "Spike" lived in my apartment building when I was a teen and this show was on...I could not have cared less since I was not watching it...or any other Canuck shows that might leap to mind!)
We Canadians can outdo you Amuricans on many fronts...but t.v. ain't one of 'em...yet! ;o)

4) How many times have you eaten poutine, worn a tuque, and said 'aboot'? :)
Mmmmmm...fries with gravy and cheese curds... :oD

Touques are generally not worn by chicks (except perhaps sporty-sorts, which I most certainly am not) after a certain age due to their hair-wrecking properties but I certainly donned one or two in my younger days...when I was heading oot and aboot in the snow...

And when we meet up next time you're in T.O., you can judge for yourself whether or not those who claim that I actually say "aboot" are hearing things! ;o)

5) The next time I'm in Toronto you ARE going to meet me, right, even if you have to go into the city on your own....right???? :)
See answer above...I can't wait! And if you can make it for the Pride parade and bring Freddie as well as Ag, so much the better!

Alternative, cause 5 is not a real question: If you could change any one thing about you instantaneously what would it be?
And then boom, he goes all Barbara Walters on my ass!! *sniffs* I WON'T cry!
Seriously, I would fix my hideously low self-esteem because I really believe it has been the cause of most of my problems. I would make "You're good enough, you're smart enough and gosh darn it, people like you!" my personal motto! I would internalise the fact that I deserve to be happy the same as everyone does...and that having done things that are "bad", does not make me a bad person; it just makes me human and less-than-perfect. I would allow myself to accept that I don't have to be better than everyone else just to be tolerated.
I am working on this stuff now...but instantaneous sure would be nice...

Phew...that was...erm...fun... ;o)

For the umpteenth time...

I will now sit in front of this blank blog post screen and attempt to make an entry...finally.

So many thoughts and ideas but no way to make them coherent...or interesting, I'm afraid. All the other blogs I read are SO brilliantly written...it's seriously intimidating. Posts I love the idea of but hesitate to actually sit down and do myself (like this or this) fly around my overworked brain.

I just can't manage to find the time, I tell myself...which, while not entirely untrue, still feels like a bit of a cop out. I spend my time during the week watching Poker After Dark, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds, Bones, My Name Is Earl, Two and a Half Men, Kink, Survivor...and NOT watching 30 Days and October Road, although I have about six episodes of each on the back burner for some undetermined time in the future. And don't forget the chores that need doing; laundry, dishes, kitty maintenance...it's a very different world where if you don't do it, it don't get done! And there's on-line poker to be played...and won, if you are playing well and the Poker-Gods are smiling on you. And many wonderful, fascinating blogs to read and on Thursdays, many beautiful half-nekkid pics to peruse. There are also appointments for chiropractic and massage from the accident, not to mention the shrink I'm chatting with about the above-mentioned adled brain, which find me putting many miles on the new car.

On the weekends, there is the boyfriend...with whom there are LIVE poker tournaments to play, movies to watch and tumbles to be had. Oh, and another trip to the Falls this weekend. Beautiful weather, a Wonder of the World and thee...what more could a girl ask for? :oD

So...very busy, indeed.

Here's the part where I promise to do better and to get around to posting those ideas above etc. Not to mention updating the links on the side there...some have been dead for a long time and there are quite a few others that I read every day, and would love to share with everyone, that don't appear...yet.

Will do. I swear...

Until then, I hope you are all feeling fine and are expecting some of the same weather we are well and truly due for in the next few days!

*Hugs*

And see you again soon...seriously!

P.S. The pic at the top is courtesy of my dear friend...hopefully, he doesn't mind me using it! To see more of his stuff, go here...and you really should; he's amazingly talented!